Ring Bells Options

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Ring the bells of glory,
ring them through the meadows
and the glens.
On wings of soft warm winds
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
ring throughout the dell.
Laughter’s hint of summers to come
so ring out all your bells.

[Eisa]

Hi Steve

As this is a rhyming poem I have moved it to Herme's Homilies. You may do better for replies in that forum.

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Steve

This makes me happy that spring is approaching -- I look forward to that.

A few thoughts ~

Ring the bells of glory,
ring them through [the] meadows
and [the] glens.
On wings of soft warm winds
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
ring throughout the dell.
Laughter[’s] hints of summers [to come] nearness
[so] ring out all your bells.


Ring the bells of glory,
ring them through meadows
and glens.
On wings of soft warm winds
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
ring throughout the dell.
Laughter hints of summers nearness
ring out all your bells.


Hope you get some more replies in this forum.

Snow

[JLY]

Steve,
We certainly need some visions of warm weather and you have given us a hint of it.

Ring the bells of glory,
ring them through the meadows
and the [deepest] glens.
On wings of soft warm winds
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
ring throughout the dell.
Laughter’s hint [...]{of} summer's [coming!] {to come}
{so} [R]ing out all your bells.


Thanks for this warm diversion on this frigid day.

JLY

[jgdittier]

Ring the bells of glory,
ring them through the meadows
and the glens.
On wings of soft warm winds
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
ring throughout the dell.
Laughter’s hint of summers to come
so ring out all your bells.

Dear Steve,
On reading your "Ring the Bells of Glory" I immediately remembered a piece written by one of my bards of yore.
I couldn't place the name of it but guessed it to be by Tennyson and was thrilled in getting it right. It's from "In Memoriam AHH, CVI".
Although the title sounds like it should be somber, the poem is celebratory, uplifting, inspiring. In rereading it,
I think he makes his point by short lines and the repetition. His is for me one of those few pieces that forces me to read faster and louder. One that makes the adrenalin flow.
Your title sounds as if were aimed at a similar target. If Tennyson's formula fits, your poem needs to be extended and loaded with more "rings" and exclamation points, to sound more like a march than a lullaby.
If your poem is delivered in conjunction with a drum beat, I'd work to get all the "rings" on a heavy beat.
I'm probably all wrong about your intent here as your lyricism as written delivers a warm feeling of the coming future. More like Longfellow's "Christmas Bells".
Nicely done! Cheers, Ron jgd

[AMETHYST]

Hi Steve,

I agree with Snow, this made me smile. There seems to be a rhthym that creates a warmness inside. I felt your sounds through out are delicious and compliment the sentiment in the meaning...

I hadn't really much to nit pick at because it really sounds smooth and lovely to my ear. I really liked this in it's simpleness, it seems to work wonders.

Best Wishes, Liz

Ring the bells of glory,
ring them through the meadows
and the glens.
On wings of soft warm winds
the turn of spring begins.

I enjoyed the steady beat through this first stanza, the only thing that disrupted my read was the first couple of lines, really don't set up a rhyme scheme of any sort, but one is steady through S2. What I did notice is there are many 'the's and perhaps omitting a few can create a more detailed poem.
.
Ring the bells of glory
ring them through lush meadows
over quiet glens,
on wings of soft warm winds (very lovely)
when turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
ring throughout the dell.
Laughter’s hint of summers to come
so ring out all your bells.


Perhaps...
Ring those bells of gladness,
ring it loudly through the dell.
Laughter's hint of summers to come
Ring out, bang all your bells.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Steve.

What a refreshing poem! I like its message and simplicity of tone. One item I'll note (which is purely your choice), is to use a set metrical pattern. I noticed in this piece, that you, for the most part, are using trimeter (6 beats). I'll focus my crit to that end and make suggetions to keep it consistent throughout. As always, take or toss my suggetions as you wish.

Cheers
~Cleo


[+] {-}

Ring the bells of glory{,}[;]
ring them through the meadows
and the glens.
On wings of {soft} warm[est] winds[,]
the turn of spring begins.
Above, I would add another line (or rework one) to set up a rhyme scheme as you've done below is S2. Also, can you think of words to define the meadow and the glen instead of saying 'the meadow' and 'the glens'? Perhaps something like (for a near-rhyme solution):

Ring the bells of glory; (or freedom for alliteration to 'fields')
awaken fields and glens.
On wings of warmest winds,
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
{ring throughout} [across] {the} [consenting] dell{.} [;]
[l]aughter’s hint of summer{s to come}
[is heard,] so ring {out all} your bells.

Without all the notated bits:
Ring the bells of freedom;
awaken fields and glens.
On wings of warmest winds,
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
across consenting dell;
laughter’s hint of summer
is heard, so ring your bells.

[Guest_Rich Roach_*]

Steve,

How are you? I absolutely love this little poem. It brings back a particular memory for me. I was with my wife on our Honeymoon at Lake Windermere in the Lake District (England), when we heard the light peal of a mid afternoon church bell rise out from below. Beside us was a small gravestone for a young boy who was buried there for centuries. Somehow this glorious little poem brought it all back.

Stick with your original verse - it's as fresh as the spring it describes, and the rhythm is perfect. Don't change a thing - except (isn't there always an "except?") for two important semi colons and a comma that I think would really help keep the timbre of each verse unified. Once again, I just LOVE this one. It is like that ancient English poem about spring, "Sumer is icumen in" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sumer_is_icumen_in.

Ring the bells of glory,
ring them through the meadows
and the glens;
on wings of soft warm winds
the turn of spring begins.

Ring out bells of gladness,
ring throughout the dell;
laughter’s hint of summers to come,
so ring out all your bells.

Rich