Gates of San Pedro *** Options

[RC James]

The San Pedro is overrun,
crowds clamor at the gates,
broken neon strips dangle
three stories like loose ganglion.
Horns, whistles, loudspeakers,
shouts of peddlars merge.

At a CD booth, street rumble
and a Hendrix riff collide
inside a Mexican rock tune,
wham bama tam whama
bam tama tam tam bam.

On rubble from Aztec temples
the cathedral hovers.
Vendors drag their stores,
police squawk box to box.
Navidad fever churns the crowds,
shouting, bantering.
Hundreds of uniforms
look for a spot not taken.

At night, the zocalo is like
the guts of a pinball machine,
bald white bulbs beckon buyers,
elbow to elbow,
leaning over blankets
with bracelets, hats, rings, blouses.

The cathedral mute, the National Palace
more removed, cast iron bells
frozen into their swing
wait for the hour to ring.

Santa Claus balloon faces
move forward into the crowd.
shopping carts topple with gifts,
kids squeal. An evangelist preacher
exhorts a group like a air raid siren.
Glazed sausages gleam under bulbs,
jarrito locos, margaritas.

A statue of Cuhuatemoc,
Mexican Moses,
at the moment of sighting
an eagle on the cactus with a snake
in its beak and claws, indicates home.
For me too this is a long sought
destination reached, no boundaries,
possible, relentless, unstoppable.

The street is empty deep in
the Mexican night.
The hotel sign in Pino Suarez
is the only light.
inside Mennonites wait for the elevator
speaking German.
I go for my key at the desk,
a little girl is at the counter,
mother across the lobby.
She turns to me, beams,
we both smile,
finding ourselves
there,
that split second.

[Eisa]

I'm off to bed now Richard, but wanted to say I'd called by and will be back later. On first look I wold like to see the middle section of this separated into more stanzas. That might just be me!

I see you've been very busy here at MM- good to see. I've commented on your poem in Herme's and I see you've posted story too. I don't think anyone has posted in there for years! LOL

I'll see you again soon
Snow/Eira

[danimik]

Hi Richard

You've captured a loud, busy scene admirably. There's considerable movement here, a support to all the sounds you've used -
even the silence attributed to some elements (Cathedral, National Palace, bells) shouts through. The shortness, almost breathlessness,
of the lines builds the tempo and contrives to add to this activity. (Read aloud, this is particularly noticeable.) Two final stanzas challenge
this though because of their length.

Last line of stanza 3 is redundant, to my ears at least.

I love the riff on the cd booth - brilliant cacophony.

Mike

[Eisa]

Hi Richard,

I was having a look at this last night & divided the long section into stanzas. I came back to find you've done it exactly as I would have. Great minds think alike, eh?

This poem s full of movement - very enjoyable.

The only other comment I would make is the same as Mike's. I'd miss out 'by an other one' at end of St 3.

I'll have a look at your story soon.

Eira

[greenwich]

Very enjoyable, very rich with meaningful imagery, as if seen through the eyes of a Camera, more than a holiday momento, a worded passion.

[Psyche]

Hi James,
You've blown me away with this fantastic poem, rich in movement, noise, silences and all sorts of characters in this Mexican scene.

I see you put ***, which means that you welcome crits, hope I'm correct.
I do have some tiny nits, but they seem to be typos, such as a missed Cap where you mention 'inside Mennonites...'

I'll be back. Your poem merits several readings, no doubt about it.

Tx for sharing for our enjoyment.
Syl*** a.k.a. Psyche

[Critter]

The San Pedro is overrun,
crowds clamor at the gates,
broken neon strips dangle
three stories like loose ganglion.
Horns, whistles, loudspeakers,
shouts of peddlars merge.
The whole poem has sound. color, and images....good

At a CD booth, street rumble
and a Hendrix riff collide
inside a Mexican rock tune,
wham bama tam percussion.
Maybe just me but "percussion" might be cut or replaced with another sound

On rubble from Aztec temples
the cathedral hovers. I like this
Vendors drag their stores,
police squawk into boxes. do you need 'into boxes'? just go with the sound
Navidad fever churns the crowds,
shouting, bantering.
Hundreds of uniforms
look for a spot not taken
by another one. agree with other crit

At night, the zocalo is like
the guts of a pinball machine,
bald white bulbs beckon buyers, nice
elbow to elbow,
leaning over blankets
with bracelets, hats, rings, blouses. good sound here

The cathedral mute, the National Palace
more removed, cast iron bells
frozen into their swing
wait for the hour to ring again. This could be shortened in some way "again" seems unnecessary for sure

Santa Claus balloon faces
move forward into the crowd.
shopping carts topple with gifts,
kids squeal. An evangelist preacher
exhorts a group through a loudspeaker. maybe a 'sound' word here other than 'loudspeaker'
Glazed sausages gleam under bulbs,
jarrito locos, margaritas.

A statue of Cuhuatemoc,
Mexican Moses,
at the moment of sighting
an eagle on the cactus with a snake
in its beak and claws, indicates home. just me but I might make this image more clipped, maybe take out the prepositions?
For me too this is a long sought
destination reached, no boundaries,
possible, relentless, unstoppable.

The street is empty deep in
the Mexican night.
The hotel sign in Pino Suarez
is the only light.
inside Mennonites wait for the elevator
speaking German.
I go for my key at the desk,
a little girl is at the counter,
mother across the lobby.
She turns to me, beams,
we both smile,
finding ourselves
there,
that split second. I like this final scene sequence. Good job, take or toss

[K.S. Lenk]

This is what you do best: the descriptive travel log entwined with your bold and beautifully observant poetic skill.
There are so many images in here, yet never is there too much; the balance is just right and the ending so visible, it's eerily good.

Regards,
K.

[RC James]

Thank you Krista - Sorry I didn't respond earlier. I wrote this on the move, as I was walking through the zocalo. RC