Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Spring **, Sonnet
Larry
post Jan 22 14, 09:32
Post #1


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 9,468
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Spring

My love draws near; her breath upon my face
is scented balm to soothe her sister’s wrath.
I yearn to see her eyes, feel her embrace
but know that time restrains. The forest path

is still a lifeless track. Denuded trees
raise barren boughs as though they would entreat
her swift return. An antecedent breeze
which stirs the life held in their umber feet

beguiles me with its warm caress. She tempts
me with a taste of what will soon appear
when she reveals herself. Like forest nymphs,
arising from what’s left of winter’s bier,

she’ll dance through glens in diaphane and jade.
Until that time, I’ll smile at each charade.


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 23 14, 15:55
Post #2


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,891
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Oh, what lovely images here, Larry! lovie.gif

57 days to Spring - woohoo! hsdance.gif

I'll be back after I've pondered further.

Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo galadriel.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Maureen
post Jan 24 14, 03:55
Post #3


Egyptian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 399
Joined: 11-April 13
From: Australia - The great Southern Land
Member No.: 5,178
Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn



Delightful Larry - very much enjoyed this


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Eisa
post Jan 24 14, 15:08
Post #4


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



This is absolutely beautiful, Larry, it's on of the best sonnet's I've read recently. On first read I see nothing I'd change.

Is it ok with you if I nominate this for IBPC?

Snow Snowflake.gif


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Jan 24 14, 15:55
Post #5


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 9,468
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Lori,

Don't ponder too hard about crits and nits. I worked on this one for a couple of weeks to get the meter and images I wanted to convey.
It need to be a very concise and pertinent change before I'd consider it.

Hi Maureen,

Thank you for the read and the kudos! Glad you enjoyed it even though it's the height of summer in your neck of the woods.

Hello Snow,

I'm blushing! Thank you so very much and no, I wouldn't mind if you nominated it for IBPC. Thank you for that also.


Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 25 14, 11:57
Post #6


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,891
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Larry,

I can't find a nit anyhow, LOL.gif! It's so lovely as is! Initially I got tripped up on the word 'beguiles' but it does work there.

I LUV this image:
Like forest nymphs,
arising from what’s left of winter’s bier,


The entire poem is beautiful.

Congrats on the nom! cheer.gif
~Cleo galadriel.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 31 14, 15:44
Post #7


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,891
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Larry,

Can I send this lovely gem along to IBPC tomorrow for the FEB comp?

Cheers,
~Lori lovie.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Feb 1 14, 17:57
Post #8


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 9,468
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Lori,

Yes Please!

Thank You and Snow!

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 2 14, 11:03
Post #9


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,891
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



dance.gif Best of luck - it's on its way! cheer.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Eisa
post Feb 4 14, 16:55
Post #10


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Good Luck Larry pharoah2.gif

Snow Snowflake.gif


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Alan
post Feb 9 14, 04:52
Post #11


Laureate Legionnaire
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,446
Joined: 16-October 06
From: UK
Member No.: 298
Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends



Dear Larry,

Having just posted my sonnet, I feel I want to withdraw it, comparing it to this masterpiece.

Love
Alan


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Feb 9 14, 22:51
Post #12


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 9,468
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Alan,

Welcome back! Long time no see. Of course, it's a long time "no see" for a lot of folks in these parts.

Thank you for your praise but, please, don't withdraw your "Valentine's" post. I didn't see any critique asterisks
so I won't offer any. There is a lot of wisdom in your post and pertinent guidelines to a happier life.

It may be considered a "Blank Sonnet" due to its unrhymed form but I had a bit of trouble with the metrical variances.

That is no big deal though. Happy Valentines Day to you and yours.

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Alan
post Feb 10 14, 02:41
Post #13


Laureate Legionnaire
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,446
Joined: 16-October 06
From: UK
Member No.: 298
Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends



Dear Larry,

Thank you. I had forgotten about the asterisks, I've added one.

Love
Alan


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Thoth
post Feb 10 14, 07:36
Post #14


Laureate Legionnaire
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 783
Joined: 24-July 07
From: South Africa
Member No.: 457
Real Name: Walter Schwim
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Mistral



Hello Larry
Glad your muse is thawing out even it if is by the house heater rather than spring warmth. From what I see of your weather on sky, spring is still some way off.

Lovely sonnet that well depicts the yearning for Spring at the height of winter. Not much for me to nit except a questionable rhyme in S3; tempts / nymphs ???

I questioned the use of “diaphane” mainly for the rarity of this word in modern English language but in pondering the context and imagery, tend to like it more on each read. Although most readers would need to look that one up in a good dictionary, it rolls off the tongue like syrup and fits in well with the translucency of thawing frost and snow.
Love it, well penned indeed and a worthy nom for IPBC – good luck !

Cheers,

Wal


·······IPB·······

MM Award Winner


The Ugly African Critter
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Feb 11 14, 08:24
Post #15


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 9,468
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Wally,

Thanks for dropping by for a read. Glad you enjoyed my plea or wish for a seasonal change.

As far as the "tempts"/"nymphs" rhyme; it is, as Espy puts it - Assonance or interior rhyme where the vowel sound is echoed.
Nymphs dancing in the woods was the picture I wanted to convey to the reader so I had to find a rhyming word which fit the mood
of Mother Nature teasing us. I might have used "glimpse" or "primps" but they didn't seem to fit the mood.

"Diaphane" - What a lovely descriptive word! Yes, I know it is no longer in extensive use unless part of the root word "phane" is
attached to a commonly used product: "cellophane". The person who coined that word must have had a poetic soul.
I enjoy dredging up words such as that because they haven't been "dumbed down" to more simplistic terminology to assuage the
terse and hurried mind-set of today's world. I'm glad you approved!


Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Thoth
post Feb 12 14, 06:27
Post #16


Laureate Legionnaire
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 783
Joined: 24-July 07
From: South Africa
Member No.: 457
Real Name: Walter Schwim
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Mistral



Hi Larry

That rhyme still worries me cause even the vowels don't really match. Both words are nasty for rhyme possibilities too so perhaps you should rework the last stanzas something like:

beguiles me with its warm caress and hints
of shooting buds that will in time appear.
When she reveals herself, seductive tints
of forest nymphs shall rise from winter’s bier

to dance through glens in diaphane and jade.
Till then, I’ll smile at each rehearsed charade.


Just some thoughts to keep the muse moving. T or T

Cheers,

Wal


·······IPB·······

MM Award Winner


The Ugly African Critter
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 17th September 2021 - 20:07




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: