Spring **, Sonnet Options

[Larry]

Spring

My love draws near; her breath upon my face
is scented balm to soothe her sister’s wrath.
I yearn to see her eyes, feel her embrace
but know that time restrains. The forest path

is still a lifeless track. Denuded trees
raise barren boughs as though they would entreat
her swift return. An antecedent breeze
which stirs the life held in their umber feet

beguiles me with its warm caress. She tempts
me with a taste of what will soon appear
when she reveals herself. Like forest nymphs,
arising from what’s left of winter’s bier,

she’ll dance through glens in diaphane and jade.
Until that time, I’ll smile at each charade.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Oh, what lovely images here, Larry!

57 days to Spring - woohoo!

I'll be back after I've pondered further.

Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo

[Maureen]

Delightful Larry - very much enjoyed this

[Eisa]

This is absolutely beautiful, Larry, it's on of the best sonnet's I've read recently. On first read I see nothing I'd change.

Is it ok with you if I nominate this for IBPC?

Snow

[Larry]

Hi Lori,

Don't ponder too hard about crits and nits. I worked on this one for a couple of weeks to get the meter and images I wanted to convey.
It need to be a very concise and pertinent change before I'd consider it.

Hi Maureen,

Thank you for the read and the kudos! Glad you enjoyed it even though it's the height of summer in your neck of the woods.

Hello Snow,

I'm blushing! Thank you so very much and no, I wouldn't mind if you nominated it for IBPC. Thank you for that also.


Larry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

I can't find a nit anyhow, ! It's so lovely as is! Initially I got tripped up on the word 'beguiles' but it does work there.

I LUV this image:
Like forest nymphs,
arising from what’s left of winter’s bier,

The entire poem is beautiful.

Congrats on the nom!
~Cleo

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

Can I send this lovely gem along to IBPC tomorrow for the FEB comp?

Cheers,
~Lori

[Larry]

Hi Lori,

Yes Please!

Thank You and Snow!

Larry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Best of luck - it's on its way!

[Eisa]

Good Luck Larry

Snow

[Alan]

Dear Larry,

Having just posted my sonnet, I feel I want to withdraw it, comparing it to this masterpiece.

Love
Alan

[Larry]

Hi Alan,

Welcome back! Long time no see. Of course, it's a long time "no see" for a lot of folks in these parts.

Thank you for your praise but, please, don't withdraw your "Valentine's" post. I didn't see any critique asterisks
so I won't offer any. There is a lot of wisdom in your post and pertinent guidelines to a happier life.

It may be considered a "Blank Sonnet" due to its unrhymed form but I had a bit of trouble with the metrical variances.

That is no big deal though. Happy Valentines Day to you and yours.

Larry

[Alan]

Dear Larry,

Thank you. I had forgotten about the asterisks, I've added one.

Love
Alan

[Thoth]

Hello Larry
Glad your muse is thawing out even it if is by the house heater rather than spring warmth. From what I see of your weather on sky, spring is still some way off.

Lovely sonnet that well depicts the yearning for Spring at the height of winter. Not much for me to nit except a questionable rhyme in S3; tempts / nymphs ???

I questioned the use of “diaphane” mainly for the rarity of this word in modern English language but in pondering the context and imagery, tend to like it more on each read. Although most readers would need to look that one up in a good dictionary, it rolls off the tongue like syrup and fits in well with the translucency of thawing frost and snow.
Love it, well penned indeed and a worthy nom for IPBC – good luck !

Cheers,

Wal

[Larry]

Hi Wally,

Thanks for dropping by for a read. Glad you enjoyed my plea or wish for a seasonal change.

As far as the "tempts"/"nymphs" rhyme; it is, as Espy puts it - Assonance or interior rhyme where the vowel sound is echoed.
Nymphs dancing in the woods was the picture I wanted to convey to the reader so I had to find a rhyming word which fit the mood
of Mother Nature teasing us. I might have used "glimpse" or "primps" but they didn't seem to fit the mood.

"Diaphane" - What a lovely descriptive word! Yes, I know it is no longer in extensive use unless part of the root word "phane" is
attached to a commonly used product: "cellophane". The person who coined that word must have had a poetic soul.
I enjoy dredging up words such as that because they haven't been "dumbed down" to more simplistic terminology to assuage the
terse and hurried mind-set of today's world. I'm glad you approved!


Larry

[Thoth]

Hi Larry

That rhyme still worries me cause even the vowels don't really match. Both words are nasty for rhyme possibilities too so perhaps you should rework the last stanzas something like:

beguiles me with its warm caress and hints
of shooting buds that will in time appear.
When she reveals herself, seductive tints
of forest nymphs shall rise from winter’s bier

to dance through glens in diaphane and jade.
Till then, I’ll smile at each rehearsed charade.


Just some thoughts to keep the muse moving. T or T

Cheers,

Wal