 50 Seconds of Fame *(miniscule revision), **** Critique appreciated |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Apr 15 13, 12:46
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 19,911 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
50 Seconds of Fame
Bang! Gary strides ahead. Second turn, out 5 yards Breaks for the inside, gracefully leading the pack. My countdown begins. I pace nervously, dancing. Straightaway. Jim crouches, ready 20, 10, GO! Reach back! Uproar . . . 5 additional yards! Switch hands, stretch, go! Just 90 seconds now Body-twists, deep breaths Frank to the line Watch the mark, 4 steps Don’t look! Applause, yelling . . . 6 more yards! Sweat pants off, shirt to Gary Breathe, stretch, relax More dancing, hands shaking All alone at the corner! Ready, tension . . . he hits the mark! Step, step, step, step, twist, grab, go. Everyone standing . . . perfect pass. 20 yards becomes 25. Hold on. Push . . . a rush Fear, chills, flashes Cheers . . . a tear? Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch Reach deep, stretch long. Don’t look back! Ignore the pain! 100 yards of corner, dig Use momentum; accelerate. Everything . . . no one . . . alone sound suspended, slow motion. Tape extended! Dig in, push, chest out . . . Screaming! Yessss Arms flailing, hands to my head Coast to a staggering walk Hugs, shouts, a victory lap together. “3.6 seconds off Tacoma's City record!” 50 seconds of fame in 1963 . . . now gone, yet vivid, forever. © MLee Dickens'son *revision: last line added ",yet vivid," ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Posts in this topic
JustDaniel 50 Seconds of Fame *(miniscule revision) Apr 15 13, 12:46 
Maureen The excitement in this piece is tangible, you can ... Apr 15 13, 20:44 AMETHYST Hi Daniel,
I also liked the active tone of this,... Apr 16 13, 10:59 JustDaniel Hey, Maureen and Liz...
Thank you both for your v... Apr 16 13, 11:10 AMETHYST Hey Daniel,
Actually, I never had experiences wi... Apr 16 13, 11:21 
JustDaniel QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Apr 16 13, 12:21 ) Hey ... May 7 13, 10:46 Psyche Hi Daniel,
I'm so glad I clicked on your poem... Apr 23 13, 16:29 JustDaniel QUOTE (Psyche @ Apr 23 13, 17:29 ) Hi Dan... May 7 13, 11:06 Larry Hi Daniel,
I don't usually comment on free ve... Apr 25 13, 08:34 JustDaniel QUOTE (Larry @ Apr 25 13, 09:34 ) Hi Dani... May 7 13, 11:13 JustDaniel Hey, Larry...
You never answered my question... Feb 7 17, 16:03 Larry Hi Daniel,
Wow, a blast from the past. Like I sa... Feb 8 17, 23:21 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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