 September Heroes (Revised Thanks to Snow), This was my X ten for sept 11. **** |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
| Guest_ohsteve_* |
  Sep 18 11, 18:02
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#1
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Revision: September Heroes Planes flew in to attack out of cerulean skies. A day that has been etched in the fiber of every person -- all nations. Leaving a hole in the skyline and our hearts that will endure and make us pause every September eleventh. We grieve with those who lost their loved ones presence, giving solemn silence to dear departed. Believing in our forever heroes to fight every attempt with body and soul to prove that yes we may be attacked but payback is a bitch. Original: September Heroes Planes flew in for the attack from out of cerulean skies. A day that has been etched in the very fiber of every person of every nation. Leaving a hole in the skyline and our hearts that will endure and give us pause every September eleventh. We will grieve with those who lost the presence of their loved ones, giving a solemn silence to dear departed. Believing in our forever heroes to fight every attempt with body and soul to prove that yes we may be attacked but payback is a bitch. 15 Sept. 2011 © Steve Pray |
  
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Sep 24 11, 18:03
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
This is a wonderful tribute, Steve. It just needs a little pruning back - a few suggestions ( not necessarily right for you) Take or toss!
September Heroes Planes flew in [for the] to attack [from] out of cerulean skies. A day that has been etched in the [very] fiber of every person [of every]-- all nations. Leaving a hole in the skyline and our hearts that will endure and [give] make us pause every September eleventh. We [will] grieve with those who lost [the presence of] their loved one's presence, giving [a] solemn silence to dear departed. Believing in our forever heroes to fight every attempt with body and soul to prove that yes we may be attacked but payback is a bitch. great read Steve Snow  ·······  ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Sep 27 11, 14:55
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#3
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Eira, As Always you strike out the unneeded perfectly. I guess I really need to pay more attention to rereading and rewriting before posting.
I would hazard that I got too darned tired to do either.I am bushed right now but then I didn't sleep any last night, too much junk rumbling though my head over and over, and me with no shut off valve. LOL. Thanks, and Take care Steve |
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