Hi Mark!
I don't think this is a forum for critiques, but being on the Staff and considering the shortage of moderators & critics due to ill-health and personal troubles, maybe I won't be thrown out...LOL....
My feedback is quite brief, you've done a great job!QUOTE (Marc-Andre Germain @ May 13 09, 20:48 )
My first translation from the Spanish language ever. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Violins, I thank you for this day
of four chords. Pure
is the sound of the sky
the azure voice of air.
I would remove 'I' in L1.
I also notice that you've not used initial Caps. Altho' some people say they're old-fashioned, I've noticed their frequent use in vanguard-ist poetry, the kind without punctuation and unevenly spaced lines. Up-to-date, in fact!
BTW, I love Neruda. My guess is that you'll not attempt to translate his '20 poemas de amor' or maybe parts of CANTO GENERAL. This last epic protest poem has some fantastic stanzas.
I saw your translation of Baudelaire and wanted to comment, but you didn't ask.
Congrats and keep 'em comin',
Syl***
.............................................
Gracias, violines, por este dia
De cuatro cuerdas. Puro
Es el sonido del cielo
La voz azul del aire.