 SUMMER'S DAY - Haiku [revised 23 Sep 2008], HAIKU |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms
 Sep 19 08, 01:53
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#1
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry  |
Revision 10/03/2009
A much better version. Thank you Leo.   White coated aphids Sucking sap from blithe plum trees. Hot breeze fans my face. John Revision 23/09/2008 Aphids in white coats. Hot summer's breeze on my cheek. Blithe trees: sap sucking.  SUMMER'S DAY Aphids in white jackets. Hot summer's breeze on my cheek. Footsteps: tread gently. John ·······  ·······Arnfinn
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Mar 7 09, 23:19
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#21
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John, G'day mate, looks like you have this one cornered and hog tied. Don't forget to update your revision to the top. Am getting a little tired now. Take it easy.
Steve |
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