QUOTE (ohsteve @ Nov 4 10, 02:08 )
Good Time Girl
Brush of the wind steals
your name from my lips.
Where it was but a whisper
in a dream, a kiss, lighter
than butterfly footsteps.
Simply lovely S1, Steve. I love the last line, so delicate.
Your voice was the murmur
of a rain drop from a leaf,
that rose to a waterfalls
thunderous roar.
Same here. Impressive L3 & 4.
It's song a susurration
of love, at first I was afraid
that you would not hear,
thought of disappointment,
when your hand on my shoulder
touched me and you said
"Hey sailor, looking for a good time?"
I love your finale, Steve, but I'm a bit bewildered at the twist in the last S. Somehow I think the connection needs some re-inforcing between S1 & 2, with S3. Not sure whether it's the same girl, or some of the author's memories, or if it all really happened.
Maybe it doesn't matter. I think your poem is lovely.
Hugs, Syl***
3 Nov 2010
© Steve Pray