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I'll See You in My Dreams ** |
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Jul 3 17, 17:35
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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I'll See You in My Dreams
When trees darken against the sky, she sometimes drifts through a chink in my dream wall, as if she had never slipped away.
The memory ogre that nibbled away at her life – and mine - has vanished. She appears ageless, salt and pepper curls flicked back from slender forehead.
I’m caressed by the lilt of her Welsh timbre, that transports me back to childhood, when we played eyelash butterflies and she sang Calon Lan to soothe me.
Awake, melancholy ripples over me, for she has slithered back through the brickwork again. Yet her aura lingers through the day calming storms that drench me. ----------------------------------------------
Line1 was When trees blacken
L9/10 was Welsh twang
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Jul 4 17, 02:31
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 250
Joined: 1-November 15
Member No.: 5,282
Real Name: richard chase
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Rhapsody
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Eira - Very beautiful - I especially like the last two stanzas and the ending is very fine:
Yet her aura lingers through the day calming storms that drench me.
Well done - Richard
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Jul 4 17, 07:23
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 102
Joined: 22-June 17
From: Arizona, USA
Member No.: 5,325
Real Name: Ali Zonak
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:none
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Hi Eira; yes those early memories live on; one just can't seem to dodge them. I wouldn't know what to suggest to improve your write--possibly, when trees darken the skyline, instead "when trees blacken . . . " 'Blacken" seems a bit too completely black. Nicely done. Ali
Just discovered a sweet English translation of Calon La. I'm a sucker for traditional verses and music.
A Pure Heart I Don't Ask For A Luxurious Life The World's Gold Or It's Fine Pearls I Ask For A Happy Heart An Honest Heart A Pure Heart A Pure Heart Full Of Goodness Is Fairer Than The Pretty Lily None But A Pure Heart Can Sing Sing In The Day And Sing In The Night If I Wished For Worldly Wealth It Would Swiftly Go To Seed The Riches Of A Virtuous Pure Heart Will Bear Eternal Profit Evening And Morning My Wish Rising To Heaven On The Wing Of Song For God For The Sake Of My Saviour To Give Me A Pure Heart
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~~~~ It is a poem’s absolute perfection that can lead to its imperfection. ~~~~
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Jul 4 17, 09:53
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy
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Very descriptive and well recalled dedication to someone fondly remembered, calming storms that drench me.
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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jul 4 17, 16:48
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (RC James @ Jul 4 17, 08:31 ) Eira - Very beautiful - I especially like the last two stanzas and the ending is very fine:
Yet her aura lingers through the day calming storms that drench me.
Well done - Richard Thanks Richard, I'm so pleased you liked this. Eira
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Jul 4 17, 16:56
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (Ali zonak @ Jul 4 17, 13:23 ) Hi Eira; yes those early memories live on; one just can't seem to dodge them. I wouldn't know what to suggest to improve your write--possibly, when trees darken the skyline, instead "when trees blacken . . . " 'Blacken" seems a bit too completely black. Nicely done. Ali
Just discovered a sweet English translation of Calon La. I'm a sucker for traditional verses and music. Hi Ali, I like your suggestion for that first line and will change it now. I like that you looked up the translation. It's a hymn that my Mum and Grandmother used to sing to me. Eira
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Jul 4 17, 16:58
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (greenwich @ Jul 4 17, 15:53 ) Very descriptive and well recalled dedication to someone fondly remembered, calming storms that drench me. Thanks Antony. Great to hear from you. Eira
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Jul 6 17, 15:44
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy
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Absolutely beautiful. The imagery and flow are perfect Love chink in dream wall. This establishes the basis of the poem - weaving a dream
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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Jul 24 17, 23:46
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Ornate Oracle
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,998
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
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Hi Eira, Dropped in for a few minutes and saw this lovely, nostalgic poem of yours. It really strikes me in several ways, reminding me of losses of loved ones. Nothing to critique at all, except perhaps the word "twang". Just me, I'm sure, but it sounds out of place in your poem. Maybe "accent", "timbre", "tone", "intonation". Just saying, take or toss! Hugs, Syl***
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Mis temas favoritos The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!MM Award Winner
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Jul 28 17, 16:52
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (greenwich @ Jul 6 17, 21:44 ) Absolutely beautiful. The imagery and flow are perfect Love chink in dream wall. This establishes the basis of the poem - weaving a dream Thanks Antony - good to hear from you. Eira
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Jul 28 17, 16:59
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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QUOTE (Psyche @ Jul 25 17, 05:46 ) Hi Eira, Dropped in for a few minutes and saw this lovely, nostalgic poem of yours. It really strikes me in several ways, reminding me of losses of loved ones. Nothing to critique at all, except perhaps the word "twang". Just me, I'm sure, but it sounds out of place in your poem. Maybe "accent", "timbre", "tone", "intonation". Just saying, take or toss! Hugs, Syl*** Hi Syl - good to hear from you. Yes, I agree about the word 'twang' It is a word my mother used, but as you say it doesn't really fit with the rest of the poem. I'll change it. Thanks Hugs Eira
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