Greetings, Alice!
This is my first post here after a very long absence. Great to see someone writing haibun. I took an interest in it some time ago, but never pursued it. I think you've done a great job not only with your specific piece (with the correction that Snow offered and you accepted), but in your description of the form.
I just checked, and there is not post in
Karnak [<--link; click here] to describe the form, so I suggest that you go there and post yours, for the sake of the cause!
deLighting to meet you, Daniel