Harmonics Options

[Guest__*]

Harmonics

Just some words I had

stretched upon this stage

framed with softer sounds

and dancing through my memory

just like the rain

And in the glow

when the sun sings through

parting the sullen clouds

with a kiss that beckons you

come take my hand

Show me this

and then show me more

I once knew so much

but I was so older then

I'm almost young



And when we walk

and feel the day's embrace

I'll whisper your honey'ed name

and kiss away your fears

Here is my hand

Please don't run

unless you are with me

fly beyond the sky

through magic's harmony

I love you so

© Harlequinn Eyes

8/9/2003
[QUOTE]

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi "H"... :)

You've arrived with a prolific vengeance I see!  ::

Now, I'm relaxing the one post only rule, just please make sure to reply to 2 other posts for each new topic you create ok? Thanksies!  :cool:

I must say I love the flow you've introduced here in your piece. After reading, I felt the connection to your title selection as well.  :)

I'm the punctuation police normally - however, some folks here are not familiar with your style, as well as I am. At the Mosaic, we try to focus sooooo much emphasis on the 'professional layout'. at least not in the gentle forum that this is. I will say that a few commas may help here and there to add an addtional 'stressed' pause to those lines you may want us to pause at. I'm assuming here that where ever you start with a capital letter, it is a new sentence, is this correct? ???

Here's a few ideas for ya to take or toss!
Cheers!
Lori

Just some words I had
stretched upon this stage,
framed with softer sounds
and dancing through my memory
just like the rain.

How about changing 'and dancing' in L3 to' that dance?

And in the glow
when the sun sings through
parting the sullen clouds
with a kiss that beckons you...

come take my hand...

Show me this
and then show me more
I once knew so much
but I was so older then...

I'm almost young...


And when we walk
and feel the day's embrace,
I'll whisper your honey'ed name
and kiss away your fears.

Here is my hand,
Please don't run
unless you are with me;
fly beyond the sky
through magic's harmony...

I love you so.

[Guest_Zeus˛_*]

hqe,
like the transposition of words of love as seen thru harmonics. Again, some punctuation needed to offset the flow.
Larry z2

[Aphrodite]

[quote=harlequinneyes,Aug. 09 2003, 09:26]Harmonics

Just some words I had

stretched upon this stage

framed with softer sounds

and dancing through my memory

just like the rain

And in the glow

when the sun sings through

parting the sullen clouds

with a kiss that beckons you

come take my hand

Show me this

and then show me more

I once knew so much

but I was so older then

I'm almost young



And when we walk

and feel the day's embrace

I'll whisper your honey'ed name

and kiss away your fears

Here is my hand

Please don't run

unless you are with me

fly beyond the sky

through magic's harmony

I love you so

© Harlequinn Eyes

8/9/2003
[QUOTE][/quote]

Hello H~

I very much enjoyed your “harmonic”  expression and love the smooth flow of your words.  
The only nit I have is to possibly add some punctuation for emphasis.
Even without punctuation, I find this to be an intriguing piece.
Nice to meet you, and thanks for sharing.

Lindi