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Man From Bolling (Revision), limerick |
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May 26 09, 20:50
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
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Man from Bolling (Revision)
There once was an old man from Bolling who loved to go down the street strolling. With his purse in hand and a fandango fan, he set all his neighbors' eyes rolling.
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
Man from Bolling
There once was an old man from Bolling who loved to go down the street strolling. He had lipstick in hand and a fandango fan. All who saw him felt their eyes rolling.
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
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May 28 09, 20:53
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
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Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Too funny Peggy! My only issue is your closing line. While one can certainly feel their eyes rolling, would one say it? I suggest a re-work of that line - perhaps incorporating 'audience' or 'crowd' in there instead? I would think they couldn't resist rolling their eyes, more so than feeling them roll. Cheers ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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May 28 09, 23:50
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
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Referred By:just wandered in
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Hi Cleo,
Thanks for the excellent idea!! Is it any better now or would "sent" be better than "set"?
Peggy
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May 29 09, 05:29
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Much better Peggy! YAY for you! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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May 29 09, 17:35
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hey Peggy,
I think I knew a guy like that once. Very weird dude!
Here is another last line you might ponder: "Those watching now needed consoling"
Larry
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May 30 09, 20:22
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
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Hi Larry,
Thank you for reading, commenting and suggesting an alternate last line!! Ha!! Ha!! I really like your line, but do think I'll keep the one I've got.
Great to run into you on the boards!!!
Peggy
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May 31 09, 03:24
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Real Name: Robin DeWalt
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Referred By:Winning Writer's web site
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Very entertaining! There's a man who strolls around my neighborhood in dresses and combat boots. Life is interesting. A great read for me.
Merle
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Jun 5 09, 10:12
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
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Hi merle, Thanks for reading!!! This world certainly has some funny characters in it, doesn't it? Ha!!! Peggy
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