 The Mask |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Mar 26 06, 08:21
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr  |
1st Revision: 3/28
THE MASK Gloomy images, hazy and gray- weaken fortitude, advance dismay. Spasmodic moods swing like a pendulum, personifying feelings we cannot fathom. Stressful lapses impinge one’s focus, spurring behavior frequently impetuous. Morose emotions bereft of happiness, move us conjunctively to edge of darkness. Jaundiced junctures evoke frustrations, clouding horizons with grim aberrations. If mere serenity is all we ask, why must we hide behind a maudlin mask? THE MASK Gloomy images, hazy and gray, weaken fortitude advances dismay. Spasmodic moods swing like a pendulum, personifying feelings we cannot fathom. Stressful lapses impinge one’s focus, spurring behavior frequently impetuous. Morose emotions bereft of happiness, move us conjunctively to edge of darkness. Jaundiced junctures evoke frustrations, clouding horizons with grim aberrations. If contentment is our ultimate task, why must we hide behind a maudlin mask? ·······  ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner             |
  
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Mar 26 06, 08:55
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#2
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You took a slightly different direction than I expected. Then of course, maybe that's why you did it ... to avoid the expected. lol
I thought to find thoughts like you've described hidden behind a mask of smiles and laughter, not the other way around! Gloomy images, hazy and gray[--]{,} weaken fortitude[,] advance{s} dismay. Spasmodic moods swing like a pendulum, personifying feelings we cannot fathom. Stressful lapses impinge one’s focus, spurring behavior frequently impetuous. I like this verse. Morose emotions bereft of happiness, move us conjunctively to edge of darkness. Jaundiced junctures Good alliteration. evoke frustrations, clouding horizons with grim aberrations. If contentment is our ultimate task, why must we hide behind a maudlin mask? Good job! Cathy |
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Mar 26 06, 09:22
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#3
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Cathy,
Thanks for your helpful additions. I decided to give this a dark and dour feel and used the Mask in a way that would be unexpected. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Nina_* |
Mar 26 06, 09:51
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#4
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Hi John
You've turned the mask notion inside out. I'm not sure that I agree with you but it is certainly an interesting idea. Gloomy images, hazy and gray, weaken fortitude advance{s} dismay. Spasmodic moods swing like a pendulum, personifying feelings we cannot fathom. Stressful lapses impinge one’s focus, spurring behavior frequently impetuous. Morose emotions bereft of happiness, move us conjunctively to edge of darkness. ..very true Jaundiced junctures evoke frustrations, clouding horizons with grim aberrations. If contentment is our ultimate task, ..Is contentment a task? It is something we wish to achieve but we can't "do" it as such. why must we hide behind a maudlin mask? This got me thinking, thanks Nina |
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Mar 26 06, 11:02
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#5
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Nina,
You raise some interesting questions for both the reader and the author. I am going to ponder your suggestions and see if they move me to yet another direction. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_The Ten-Digit Poet_* |
Jul 12 06, 23:20
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#6
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I appreciated the short lines in each verse. It would have been more interesting -- and for me, more challenging -- to use two-word lines exclusively.
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jul 13 06, 11:27
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#7
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Good revision John!
Just a thought ... If mere serenity is all we ask, why must we hide behind a maudlin mask? Is 'why' needed? If mere serenity is all we ask, must we hide behind a maudlin mask? Or does that change the meaning that you intend? Cathy |
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Jul 15 06, 06:45
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#8
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi JLY,
I am intrigued and puzzled by this poem and have some questions about it!! While I have witnessed people who have worn a "sunny and happy" mask, I can't remember a single person who has faked the moods you are expressing here. Have you? Maybe Greta Garbo? What would be the point of masking positive feelings with a negative mask? Enlighten me please!! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Jul 17 06, 06:26
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#9
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Peggy,
This was written by many observations of human nature...people very close to me choose to live their lives in a depressed state, focusing on the mundane and worrisome things when in reality, they have much happiness at their fingertips. Rather than "smelling the roses"(a cliche), they would rather dwell in dark meanderings. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Jul 17 06, 06:28
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#10
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Cathy,
The use of why is a personal preference and it just seems to have a favorable ring in my ears when I read it aloud. I know I could live without it, but I think I will keep it intact as is. Thanks, JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Jul 17 06, 14:59
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#11
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
QUOTE(JLY @ Jul 17 06, 07:26 ) [snapback]78964[/snapback] Peggy, This was written by many observations of human nature...people very close to me choose to live their lives in a depressed state, focusing on the mundane and worrisome things when in reality, they have much happiness at their fingertips. Rather than "smelling the roses"(a cliche), they would rather dwell in dark meanderings. JLY Hi JLY, Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! Now I get it!!!!! I know some too!!!  Peggy ······· ······· |
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Jul 18 06, 05:12
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#12
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,643 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE If contentment is our ultimate task, why must we hide behind a maudlin mask? Now that is an interesting question, John... one that has occurred to me many a time when I'd been locked in the jaws of depression... and when that happens there IS no rational answer to it! Thank you for the look at the mask from the inside. enLightenedly, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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Jul 18 06, 05:47
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#13
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Daniel,
This is a topic that some people can readily identify with and for others, my message is not very clear. Thanks for stopping by. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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