 Night Flight |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
| Guest_ohsteve_* |
 Oct 11 07, 07:06
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#1
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Night Flight
Path of a dragonfly across the reflected moon in a stilled pond. Spider silk thin wake, follows. Flying low avoiding bats of night, only to be taken by a large rainbow trout. |
  
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Oct 11 07, 09:54
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#2
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 544 Joined: 3-May 07 From: Central Florida Member No.: 427 Real Name: Judith Labriola Writer of: Poetry |
QUOTE (ohsteve @ Oct 11 07, 08:06 ) [snapback]103529[/snapback] Night Flight Path of a dragonfly across the moon stilled pond. spider silk thin wake, follows. Flying low avoiding bats of night, only to be taken by a large rainbow trout. I really like the lesson in this poem....we must always be careful of everything, over and under, and walk the middle line...at least that is my motto...LOL... I have no nits...Blessings, Judi ·······  ······· |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Oct 11 07, 12:05
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#3
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Judi... thanks for reading and enjoying and for the comment, we must always be careful but I don't always like the middle road..lol.
Steve |
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Oct 11 07, 21:38
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#4
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny |
Beautiful!! Love your style here Steve..
How about a haiku...????? path of a dragonfly across the moon still pond Please post it, so it will exist, it's a beautiful image you've conjured in my mind. Anyway...love this poem...heaps of praise on you...... If I were to have a nit it would be that the moon does not 'still' the pond, it's more a 'stilled pond moon', but I'm not a lunar/tidal expert..or whatever, LOL Also, some typos...full-stops/capitalization...but who really cares about that???... not me...for the most part. Bravo!!! Best Wishes . ······· ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner      |
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Oct 12 07, 03:03
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#5
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (ohsteve @ Oct 11 07, 13:06 ) [snapback]103529[/snapback] Night Flight Path of a dragonfly across the moon stilled pond. spider silk thin wake, follows. Flying low avoiding bats of night, only to be taken by a large rainbow trout. Love this Steve - I agree that it would make an excellent haiku too - or tanka. It does have an oriental feel to it. Can't think of anything I'd change - just enjoyed! Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner         |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Oct 18 07, 07:54
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#6
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Thanks Terry and Snow for reading,, Terry thats a good start for a haiku go ahead and use it if you wish,,,
Steve |
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Oct 19 07, 20:37
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#7
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Steve,
Yes, a good lesson to learn from in this short piece.  I'm wondering if you'd be open to exchanging a few words (and their placement) with a few that could add details (embellishment) and movement to your imagery? For example, what kind of dragonfly? Is it golden, blue, rushed, spritely, sprity, new-born, curious, ancient? What kind of path is it traveling? What/where is this pond and is it summer's end?Path of a dragonfly across the moon stilled pond. (can you elaborate, what is moon-stilled, calming?) spider silk thin wake, follows. (do you mean threads weaved here?) Flying low avoiding bats of night, (can you elaborate on these night bats?) only to be taken by a large rainbow trout. (could you make the trout sinister, like a hunter?) Cheers, ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner  |
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