Poem removed by Author Options

[4rum]

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[JustDaniel]

Cute piece, expressing the frustration of coming up with significant words and lines to share some of our thoughts or impressions as we go through life as poets... sometimes without the right words.

I'm sure that everyone here can identify with this, even if they're not looking for rhyme or meter!

Now, since you asked for a line or two, I'm gonna see if I can earn that 50 cents. I have Pay Pal.

In Desperation

I chased a rhyme around the room
I could not seem to catch it
A word might come to lift my gloom
Then none would come to match it

On tip of my protruding tongue
A phrase would briefly teeter
Then totter to the trash unsung
For lack of proper meter

I knit my brow and scratched my head
But that just made things worser
All squinty[-]eyed with bloody and bleeding head
I still could write no verse
my writing got perverser

So I would ask that one of you
If lady, gent or scholar
Would part with just a line or two
I’d pay you half a dollar!

I've offered you a single line.
^{(We're not here as critiquers)}
If I don't get four bits, it's fine;
I'm off to find my sneakers.


skatin' through Lightly, Daniel

P.S. Here are another couple lines:

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

Just fill them in!

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi,

Just a reminder - no crits should be offered in Plato's Pearls forum.


Daniel - Psssst - poetic replies are a plenty lately!

Thank you!

[4rum]

Hullllloooooo Daniel...

...hmmmmm, those last two lines look awfully familiar. I think I've seen them before... all too often as a matter of fact.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Checks in the mail

[JustDaniel]

Lori...

Thank you very much for the reminder... but please note that I was NOT offering critique, but the LINE that he asked for in the poem. I did offer a comment re the poem before saying anything else, and I thought that that was the prerequisite for replying FURTHER poetically in such a way as not to detract from the writer but simply reflect back something further of the subject matter offered... plus, of course, everything I offered is tongue-in-cheek... and I think in the spirit of all the interchanges that 4rum and I have had.

Please correct me further if I've unintentionally stepped over the stated boundaries. I thought I have been well within them... and I have no desire to wander from that purpose.


FOURum...

I'll be looking in the mail for the check... or is that checks? [ Did you mean an apostrophe ? ]

deLighting in our Light interchange since you've arrived, Daniel

This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Aug 28 07, 15:25

[Eisa]

Hi there -- this has made me smile as we've all been there haven't we!

I chased a rhyme around the room
I could not seem to catch it
A word might come to lift my gloom
Then none would come to match it

seems to say it all. I still have many lines in my head ready to start a lot of poems, but am floundering to follow them up.

Great! I really enjoyed this.

Snow

[4rum]

Morning Eisa;

My what a nice comment. Thank you! And yes, it does happen to us all now and again. Hope all your lapses are just little ones of short duration.