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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Oct 7 16, 13:20
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
Across the sea on my sail boat
the wind again finds me stranded, uncertainty always ends the same a silent pray. I confess a dream of the Galilee as my preferred destination. The albatross asks why the pledge, even a rationale for breaking out of the storm. What is your faith ? is an answer really a cure ? A confession can be overstated yet it still touches the soul all the same. ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Oct 9 16, 20:00
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 9,006 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Antony,
I like this. Makes one think, because of its mystical implications. A dream, nonetheless. The frailty of a sail boat trying to reach the Sea of Galilee. QUOTE (greenwich @ Oct 7 16, 15:20 )  Across the sea on my sail boat the wind again finds me stranded, uncertainty always ends the same a silent pray. >>>>>> Perhaps "prayer"? I confess a dream of the Galilee as my preferred destination. The albatross asks why the pledge, <<<<<Nice use of the albatross, your personalisation of it. I'm fond of the albatross. even a rationale for breaking out of the storm. What is your faith ? is an answer really a cure ?<<<<<< You need to Cap the first word of this line. a confession can be overstated <<<<<And this one. yet it still touches the soul all the same. Tx for sharing, Syl  ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Oct 10 16, 12:23
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#3
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Psyche Thank you for the commentary and suggestions.
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Oct 13 16, 16:14
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#4
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Antony,
I like your dreamy poem - a few suggestions between the lines. Across the sea on my sail boat the wind [again] finds me stranded again, Perhaps I'm being too logical here, but I think again sounds better at the end of the line uncertainty always ends the same a silent [pray] prayer. I confess a dream of the Galilee as my preferred destination. The albatross asks why the pledge, even a rationale for breaking out of the storm. What is your faith ? is an answer really a cure ? A confession can be overstated yet it still touches the soul [all the same.] Is the last line really needed Eira Like the inclusion of the albatross ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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