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> You're Next, A short, short
Terocon101
post Jun 7 07, 10:09
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The heat in this tiny waiting room is unnatural. I mean, here I am, suit and tie and they have the heat turned up to sauna levels. Anyway nevermind... theres not much longer to wait, I'm getting closer to that door now. This is the big one baby. In this interview, everything has to go right. How long have I been here now? The clock on the wall says....
Wait a sec..I cant believe it, did the hand on that clock just go backwards? No, wait.. maybe the batteries are dead, WHY HAS TIME STOPPED??
OK, one thing about me you should know. I don't mind hard work, pressure, long hours all those things I can handle standing on my head. But for me, this waiting is torturous, I imagine hell would have a lot of it, although I bet the devil's waiting room would have better air conditioning than this place.

Yup, waiting is the hard part. Its not just me, these moments have often been described by soldiers, seconds before they charge into oblivion; or by actors and comedians, just before they look into the hungry eyes of the live audience.
Its the anticipation, you see... its like a mixture of fear and excitement, joy and dread, you know?
Then theres the expectations, and not just your own..worse than that... your family's and your girlfriend's. And of course all the years of hard work, all coming down to the impending moment of truth. All the time thinking, is it gonna explode in my face, or, dare I hope, (for hope can be a torturous itch that is just out of reach) that it might just work out for me? That I am the man they want, more suitable than the rest of these freshly-ironed shirts and their carefully chosen ties, just like mine. Of course I have a good chance.
I mean we had all got the call for the interview, they've read our C.Vs, talked to the chosen referees. Surely it all comes down to what transpires during the next twenty minutes on the other side of that door. They wouldn't call me here if I didn't have a chance,would they?

I have been examining the faces of the men as they exit the door, that door to my future. They give away nothing, except to tell the next in line to go through.
"You're Next" they are probably the only two words these men will ever speak to each other. Some add a "Good luck" but I'm not sure about their sincerity. These men who sit silently, side by side, some for hours, some for only minutes, what can we say to each other, honestly? The man who sits beside me, my enemies enemy, rises and vanishes to the other side as he is called.
I scoot over to his vacated seat, nearest that door. I don't know why, but it seems to be a tradition of this small band of brothers and so I carry it on.

So now I'm next. Once more into the breech, don't shoot till you see the whites of there eyes, remember your lines, firm handshake, be confident...
HA! confidence, I remember it, that fickle friend of mine. Oh yes, confidence can sometimes be a yellow-bellied coward in the face of battle. That imagined belief in ones ability. But I do know I could do this job, I CAN do this job, but the question is can I do this interview??? Oh God!

OK, I'm losing my cool now. Not externally but where it really counts. Got to breath slowly, go to your happy place, just be yourse... that door opens once more, as it always will, that door, the test, the moment, the future, the past, the probing questions, the eluding answers.
I look up into the face of the man who had sat where I now sit as he exits stage left, he looks at me, I know what he is going to say, I'm already rising, "You're Next!!" but I'm not next anymore.
The man who is scooting over into my briefly vacated seat, is next. I am now, and with that realization all the clinging apprehension falls away.

Sure, I may have some problems with sitting in these stuffy waiting rooms, but right now, I know...
I CAN do this interview.


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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JLY
post Jun 8 07, 05:46
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Dear Terocon101:

I enjoyed your storyline; you gave a thorough examination to short time frame of spending time in a waiting room.

I particularly enjoyed this phrase....

into the hungry eyes of the live audience.


Just a typo here....
but the question is can{ i } [I]do this interview???

This needs some grammatical fixes here and there, some punctuation needs to be fixed / added, but they are minor cosmetic adjustments.

I will be back when I can devote more time, but I did enjoy your offering.

JLY


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Terocon101
post Jun 8 07, 10:55
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Hi JLY,
and thanks for you response. This is the first time I've ever posted a short, short story grinning.gif . I'm not sure what category mine falls into, as there is only one piece of dialog and its so short but the shallow end looked more inviting to start off.


I know my writing can sometimes be a grammatical minefield of errors but hopefully in time I'll sort that out.

I look forward to hearing any suggestions you might have.

Thanks again.

Terry


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Terry


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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Terocon101
post Jun 8 07, 11:02
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Whoops.


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Terry


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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Judi
post Jun 9 07, 19:38
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QUOTE (Terocon101 @ Jun 7 07, 11:09 ) *
A rising tension threatens to suffocate {everyone in}[/color]the small waiting room in which I now find myself.

You have to have someone alive to suffocate


Around the room each of the potential employees sit and not-so patiently wait their turn to see the panel of interviewers. I don't mind pressure or hard work but this waiting, {[color="#CC0000"{was torture}
the sentence felt unfinished there
I imagine hell would have a lot of it.

Moments like these have often been described by soldiers seconds before they charge into oblivion, and by actors and comedians just before they look into the hungry eyes of (the) live audiences. That mixture of fear and excitement, and (the) knowing that it is now, and its either gonna explode in my face, or, dare I hope, (for hope can be a torturous itch that is just out of reach) that it might just work for me. That I am the man they want, more suitable than the rest of these freshly ironed shirts and their carefully chosen ties, just like mine. Of course I have a good chance.

I mean we had all got the call for the interview, they've read our C.Vs, talked to the chosen referees. Surely it all comes down to what transpires during the next twenty minutes on the other side of that door. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a chance.
I have been examining the faces of the men as they exit the door, that door to my future. Those faces give away nothing, except to tell the next in line to go through.
"Your Next" they are probably the only two words these men will ever speak to each other. Some add a "Good luck" but I'm not sure about their sincerity. These men who sit silently, side by side, some for hours, some for only minutes. The man who sits beside me, my enemies enemy, rises and vanishes to the other side as he is called.
I scoot over to his now vacated seat, nearest that door. I don't know why, it is a tradition of this small band of brothers and I carry it on.
So now I'm next. Once more into the breech, don't shoot till you see the whites of there eyes, remember your lines, look in (there) their eyes, firm handshake, be confident... HA! confidence, I remember it, that fickle friend of mine. Oh yes, confidence can sometimes be a yellow-bellied coward in the face of battle. That imagined belief in ones ability. But I do know I can do this job, I CAN do this job, but the question is can (i ) I do this interview??? Oh God!
OK, I'm losing the cool now. Not externally but where it really counts. Got to breath slowly, go to your happy place, just be yourse... that door opens once more, as it always will, that door, the test, the moment, the future, the past, the probing questions, the eluding answers.
I look up into the face of the man who had sat where I now sit as he exits stage left, he looks at me, I know what he is going to say, I'm already rising, "Your Next!!" but I'm not next anymore.
I think this could be a little clearer.

I enjoyed your accurate description of a job interview...there are only a few suggestions I had for this, very minor ones...you know the drill....use or lose..Good Luck with your story, Judi


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Terocon101
post Jun 12 07, 09:24
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Hi Judi,

Thanks for your response. I incorporated some/most/all of your suggestions into the revision. Hope it reads a little better now, I think it does but let me know if you spot anything else. This may only be a short, unsubstantial piece but your advice would be incorporated into future postings.

Chat soon.

Terry


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Terry


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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Guest_Cathy_*
post Jun 16 07, 09:53
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Hi Terry,

I think you did a great job of describing what someone might feel while waiting for the BIG INTERVIEW! I'm wondering if a little rewording and maybe weeding out of unnecessary words would make the story a bit clearer? Should the title read 'You're Next' as in You are?

A few thoughts for you to consider... use or lose as you see fit! *smiles*
{omit}[add]

Cathy

A rising tension threatens to suffocate {the people}[all of us] in this small waiting room[.]{, in which I now find myself.}{ Around the room} [E]ach of the potential employees sit[,] {and} not-so patiently wait[ing] their turn to see the panel of interviewers. I don't mind pressure or hard work, but for me, this waiting is torturous. I imagine hell would have a lot of it. < This is a bit confusing to me. Hell would have a lot of what? Pressure, hard work, waiting...?

Moments like these have often been described by soldiers, seconds before they charge into oblivion[;]{,} or by actors and comedians, just before they look into the hungry eyes of the live audience... that mixture of fear and excitement. The expectations, the hard work all coming down to the impending moment of truth, I now await. All the time thinking, is it gonna explode in my face, or, dare I hope, (for hope can be a torturous itch that is just out of reach) that it might just work for me? That I am the man they want, more suitable than the rest of these freshly[-]ironed shirts {and}[with] their carefully chosen ties, just like mine. Of course I have a good chance.
{I mean} [W]e {had} all got the call for the interview, they've read our C.Vs, talked to the chosen referees. Surely it all comes down to what transpires during the next twenty minutes on the other side of that door. They wouldn't call me here if I didn't have a chance,would they? Space between the comma and 'would'. What are C.Vs?

I have been examining the faces {of the men} as they exit the door, that door to my future. {Those faces}[They] give away nothing, except to tell the next in line to go through. Should it be 'that door to our future.' After all, it will affect all of these men's future no matter what the outcome.
"Your Next" Should it be 'you're next'? (you are) {they} are probably the only two words these men will ever speak to each other. Some add a "Good luck" but I'm not sure about their sincerity. {These men who sit silently, side by side, some for hours, some for only minutes.} IMO this line isn't needed. The man who sits beside me, my enemies enemy, rises and vanishes to the other side as he is called.
I scoot over to his {now} vacated seat, nearest that door. I don't know why, {it is}[but it seems to be] a tradition of this small band of brothers and I carry it on. I'm not quite sure I understand the 'enemies enemy'.

So now I'm next. Once more into the breech, don't shoot till you see the whites of there eyes, remember your lines, firm handshake, be confident...
HA! confidence, I remember it, that fickle friend of mine. Oh yes, confidence can sometimes be a yellow-bellied coward in the face of battle. That imagined belief in ones ability. But I do know I could do this job, I CAN do this job, but the question is can I do this interview??? Oh God! Good addition to the story! I can feel the tension and fear growing in his mind.

OK, I'm losing {the}[my] cool now. Not externally but where it really counts. Got to breath slowly, go to your happy place, just be yourse... that door opens once more, as it always will, that door, the test, the moment, the future, the past, the probing questions, the eluding answers.
I look up into the face of the man who had sat where I now sit as he exits stage left, he looks at me, I know what he is going to say, I'm already rising, "Your [You're?]Next!!" but I'm not next anymore.
The man who is scooting over into my briefly vacated seat, is next. I am now, and with that realization all the clinging apprehension falls away.

Sure, I may have some problems with sitting in these stuffy waiting rooms, but right now, I know...
I CAN do this interview. I like the positive twist here at the end!
 
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Terocon101
post Jun 16 07, 11:08
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Hey Cathy,

I'm fairly bad when it come to punctuation. Thanks for pointing those errors, as I would otherwise be doomed to repeat them time and again. Even in the title, lol, oh god..thats bad, You have to laugh or you'll cry, lol.

I'll be making all the changes you suggest and hopefully, as I do, some of it will sink in.

You asked about a C.V, its an abbr. of a Latin word 'curriculum vitae' Whats that in English?? It looks like 'study of life' or 'work of life'. But basically its just a summary of previous work experience, qualifications, skills, so that a potential employer can get an idea of the person before an interview, what they call a 'resume' in the states.

Ok I'll get busy, thanks again

Terry


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Guest_Cathy_*
post Jun 17 07, 09:49
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QUOTE (Terocon101 @ Jun 16 07, 12:08 ) *
Hey Cathy,

I'm fairly bad when it come to punctuation. Thanks for pointing those errors, as I would otherwise be doomed to repeat them time and again. Even in the title, lol, oh god..thats bad, You have to laugh or you'll cry, lol.

I'm not good with punctuation either so please don't take my word as gospel! LOL

I'll be making all the changes you suggest and hopefully, as I do, some of it will sink in.

Please don't make changes that don't feel right to you. The differences has a lot to do with where we're from and that makes it a bit difficult to know which way to go. *smiles*

You asked about a C.V, its an abbr. of a Latin word 'curriculum vitae' Whats that in English?? It looks like 'study of life' or 'work of life'. But basically its just a summary of previous work experience, qualifications, skills, so that a potential employer can get an idea of the person before an interview, what they call a 'resume' in the states.

Ohhhhh... I see! Yep, that's a resume here! LOL I wondered, but wasn't sure. Thanks for enlightening me!

Ok I'll get busy, thanks again

You're welcome! And remember... make only the changes you feel comfortable with. It's your story!

Cathy


Terry
 
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Terocon101
post Jun 18 07, 09:04
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Hi Cathy,

PS. forgot about the "enemies enemy" thing. You ever here the saying "My enemies enemy is my friend"?
I think its was a army General of some sort that said it, like Ceaser or Napoleon, not sure.

I'm gonna tinker around with the story a bit more, see what comes of it. As always thanks for your input.

Now I have to do two crits in this forum...not looking forward to that.

Terry


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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Guest_Cathy_*
post Jun 22 07, 14:23
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Hey Terry!

Nope... just one! The requirement is 1:2:1... one post every two days as long as you comment on the work of one other member. Since your 'amulet' story seems to be a continuing saga I've left it in Loch Ness so you will owe one crit there before you can post your next chapter.

It's really quite interesting to crit in these forums. You can see how others think and how they write. It can be educational if you approach it with an open mind and some of the stories are really spell-binding! Pick one and go for it!!

Have fun~
Cathy
 
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Terocon101
post Jun 22 07, 15:34
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Hey Cathy,

Thats a welcome piece of info(1,2,1). I do need an attitude adjustment as far as critting goes, the will is there, just feeling a little insecure of my critting ability, mostly in fixed-form poetry but I'll get the hang of it eventually.
I'll defiantly enjoy doing the prose crits, nothing I like better than to read a good story. Its a little quiet prose-wise at the moment, but I'll dive into them when there posted.

Do you think its worth critting some of the more dated works, some look abandoned?? Could be a waste of time. I only ask because I've been reading "Boneyard Shadows"(??) its good stuff and I was gonna comment until I seen its dated 2005.

Terry


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

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Guest_Cathy_*
post Jun 22 07, 18:37
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Hi Terry,

I've been reading those too! They are great! I just critiqued one the other day dated 2004! LOL I believe Charon (the author) is still around. I'm always pulling up older works... be it poetry or prose. As long as I think the author still visits once in a while so that they eventually see the crit I go for it! If in doubt, there should be a 'Members' link at the very top of your MM screen. Click on it and it should tell you if they are active members or not.

Cathy

PS... You'll get used to the critting. I used to be terrified and I still can't crit as well as some of the others but I kinda watch them to see what kinds of things they comment on and pattern my critiques from their example. I'm always afraid I'm going to offend someone! LOL
 
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Guest_Rosemerta_*
post Jul 21 07, 23:55
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Hey there Terry,

I haven't been around for awhile and don't think I properly welcomed you to MM but I am glad to have read some of your work.

I was intrigued by how you wrote this. I have always been terrible at writing to POV, especially in the first person. I just posted my first attempt of doing a whole story that way. You made it look so easy I'm envious. **S**

I have little to comment on as far as the technicalities go. It looks like you've already taken the wise advise here and have a very polished piece. I was a little distracted by the layout of some paragraphs that the dialogue shifted direction. I'm not sure how that is normally done. No biggie but perhaps someone else here may know.

I like the conversation of the piece and thought you really gave a complete and accurate account of someone in that situation. There was a touch of humor within it that pulled me along as I read.

As to reviewing, I too thought I had to post two reviews for every item I posted and I've been here over a year. **S** Thus I have learned something from reading the other posts.

Don't worry too much about your own reviewing, I too felt awkward at first. If you make a mistake someone might correct you. The nice thing though is that people here do so in a kind and gentle way. The practice here of reminding us we can take or leave suggestions as we wish has made this a relaxed place to post. No one gets bent out of shape if you don't use their suggestions like many forums do.

I didn't realize this is to be part of a larger story... or am I mistaken in that. I decided to respond here since I was in the folder anyway. Hopefully I can check back from time to time to see how your tale progresses.

Good luck ~~ Jackie
 
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Terocon101
post Jul 22 07, 16:52
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Whoops

my reply is below.


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Terry


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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Terocon101
post Jul 22 07, 16:53
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QUOTE (Terocon101 @ Jul 22 07, 22:52 ) *
I haven't been around for awhile and don't think I properly welcomed you to MM but I am glad to have read some of your work.
Indeed you welcomed me, its nice to see you again. magictongue.png

I was intrigued by how you wrote this. I have always been terrible at writing to POV, especially in the first person. I just posted my first attempt of doing a whole story that way. You made it look so easy I'm envious. **S**
Aw shucks your embarrassing me but please keep going laugh.gif

I have little to comment on as far as the technicalities go. It looks like you've already taken the wise advise here and have a very polished piece. I was a little distracted by the layout of some paragraphs that the dialogue shifted direction. I'm not sure how that is normally done. No biggie but perhaps someone else here may know.
I'm really bad when it come to page lay-out/paragraph structure etc, I'll try to do something about that, its very important, I re-read it and I know what you mean. Thanks

I like the conversation of the piece and thought you really gave a complete and accurate account of someone in that situation. There was a touch of humor within it that pulled me along as I read.
But this is a very serious issue, you shouldn't be laughing. laugh.gif

As to reviewing, I too thought I had to post two reviews for every item I posted and I've been here over a year. **S** Thus I have learned something from reading the other posts.
Umm, I think that was a a chat me and Cathy were having about another forum, Nessy's Chapter forum. Only one crit per post in that forum. But in this one I think its still two per post. Not sure, I think you'll find all the info in 'forum participation rules' at the top of the page.

Don't worry too much about your own reviewing, I too felt awkward at first. If you make a mistake someone might correct you. The nice thing though is that people here do so in a kind and gentle way. The practice here of reminding us we can take or leave suggestions as we wish has made this a relaxed place to post. No one gets bent out of shape if you don't use their suggestions like many forums do.
Cheers Rose pharoah2.gif I'm getting the hang of it.

I didn't realize this is to be part of a larger story... or am I mistaken in that. I decided to respond here since I was in the folder anyway. Hopefully I can check back from time to time to see how your tale progresses.
No, this was a once-off. Again I think I was referring to Nessie's chapter forum.

Thanks for the response, don't be a stranger

TERRY


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Terry


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"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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