Weighed and Found Wanting, Rhyming - a bit of fun with mythology Options

[Mistral]

Take me up to Mount Olympus
to query all the gods’ existence
and if in need, then I alone
will throw Zeus off his golden throne.

Hera is the one I’ll seek
to tell her that she’s got a cheek.
Forsaken all; she will not rouse
to reinstate the marriage vows.

It’s Ares that I’ll put in chains
to be quite sure that he refrains
from agitating further battle;
I’ll disregard his constant prattle.

From Aphrodite I will want to know
where’s the love she has to grow?
Is life now such a hopeless hurdle
she cannot use her magic girdle?

And to Hades; he at the very least,
has become the reigning beast.
The underworld seems lucrative,
proposes the alternative!

Athena is the one I’ll ask
how come she can perform her task
with Demeter there by her side
whilst all the others won’t abide?

Apollo, even, caused some fears,
I might just give him ass’s ears!
Though there’s music, he heals no more
and has become an utter bore!

I shall get rid of all those sods,
replacing them with better gods;
the MM poets, may I propose,
will cure the world with rhyme and prose!

[heartsong7]

Hi Misty,
This is delightful! There are a few areas where the meter meanders, but it flows well overall in tetrameter with nicely rhymed couplets.
My fave stanzas:

Apollo, even, caused some fears,
I might just give him ass’s ears!
Though there’s music, he heals no more
and has become an utter bore!

I shall get rid of all those sods,
replacing them with better gods;
the MM poets, may I propose,
will cure the world with rhyme and prose!

My ISP is acting up and really slowing things down, so I'll have to come back later with some suggestions as to meter in the first few stanzas. The last 3 read fine to my ear. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed this.
Sue

[Mistral]

Thank you Sue girl!

So glad you enjoyed this, I was half scared people might find it a bit too silly. Would love for you to give me pointers re the meter, I know this poem needs some polishing.

Hugs,
M

[Norman D Gutter]

Mistral:

I don't believe we've interacted before. I've been AWOL for a while.

I like this. The meter is good, rhymes are natural. I guess I'm just left a little flat by the overall message of the poem. It's a bit long, and my interest waned about midway through. It was statement after statement of Greek mythology references--the big name gods, to be sure, but still not my strong point. You need something more for my tastes.

Again, good execution; so-so message.

Best Regards,
NDG

[Mistral]

Dear Norman,

Nice to meet you!

Firstly, I'm quite a novice when it comes to poetry and I'm not highly educated, so you'll normally find my stuff to be quite simple and more on the lighter side, seldom with deep meaning.

Then, I certainly am with you in that Greek mythology is not my strong point, thus the reason for pulling them apart a bit. Good grief, there's so many of these "gods" that one could write a mile long poem, so be glad I just used the more well known ones! *grin* Overall, if it brings a smile to anyone's face, it makes me happy, and if anyone has suggestions to improve it, it's a bonus!

This poem, for me, is unusually long as most of my poems are rather short, so rest assured that if you read any of my other poems, you'll not be subjected to boredom halfway through. *grin*

Thank you so much for dropping in, your opinion is as valuable to me as every other opinion I get, each one leaving an imprint on my mind and just maybe I'll learn from it.

Hugs,
M

[jgdittier]

Dear Mistral,
I don't believe I've ever written a piece with such variant meter. Yet the flow in
"Weighed and Found Wanting" seems totally acceptable to me (Well, one bump).
I'm new to learning accentual meter and believe I'll be experimenting with it soon.
After annoting all 32 lines on paper, I score only 5 lines as not having 4 heavy beats.
They are: 1,4,17, 26 and 31. The only line I'd change to improve the beat would be
17 by deleting the "just".
As to the poem's length, when it's interesting or maintains my smile, I don't get bored.
I expect I would like longer rather than shorter poems posted here at MM.
I like the idea of you as the writer doing all you can to help the reader read the way you intend. Poetry to me should aim at entertaining rather than testing the talents of the reader.
In line 20 you told me you wanted "him" to get a strong beat and I appreciate that. In fact, I'd have suggested that that line contained a bump if you hadn't.
Poetry that carries a joyous yet unanticipated message as does yours always pleases me. Let all of us who read your poem make those last two lines even more true! Yours is a call to arms!
A nit- the title.
Cheers, Ron jgd

[AMETHYST]

Hi Misty,

I just printed this out and will return. I wanted to commend you on the natural ability of sounds and rhythm. For a quick note, I agree with lots of what has been said, I do think this can offer a stronger, punch at poems end, adding that more complete feeling. On the other hand, as it stands, like Ron mentions, for pleasure of reading, it works wonders.

I'll return with further thoughts but till then... thank you for the read!


Best Regards, Liz

[Mistral]

Dear Ron,
There you go again....talking in riddles! *grin* I thought metre was metre, either starting a line with stressed or unstressed syllables, ending in a similar manner. Never knew there were so many different kinds of metre, and quite frankly, it baffles me. But then.....I'm easily baffled!
I don't think you wonderful poets have the faintest idea how you much you impress me, intimidate me and leave me speechless. Not a day has gone by since I joined this site that I've not wished I had more knowledge of poetry and language and I find it so awesome that my writing is given the time of day. That some enjoy it, is an absolute bonus to me!
Ron hon, if you can suggest another title, I'm all ears! This one came to mind simply because these "gods" are being torn apart, so to speak.
Oh, and if you like long poems, at some point I'll have to post my only real long poem, "The Fairy", written for a friend's children, but you may not like it as it's very kiddy orientated. A fairytale, sort of.
Anyhoo, thanks once again for your comments and any suggestions will certainly be taken to heart.


Dear Liz,
I'll be looking forward to your suggestions, girl. Thank you so much once again for taking the time, it's appreciated directly from the heart.

Hugs both,
M