This was originally posted in the challenge section and thought it would be appropriate for
the poor folks up in the northern sections of the US who keep having those horrible storms
and drastic temperature variations due to the Polar Vortex. One day it's Spring and the next
is an Arctic Winter. Hope it's over soon. Someone, please kill that groundhog!



Springtime

I knew the snow was coming from the cloud
which hung above the brown and barren hills
where in the spring and summer there’s a crowd
of children playing in the daffodils.
Now nothing’s left but small denuded trees
that bend and sway in winters warning breeze

which piles that dark’ning veil and blocks sunshine.
With lengthened steps I hurried on my way
to where the yellow taxis stood in line
for tourists who vacationed at the bay.
The shore was empty and my passing glance
revealed the froth as waves began their dance;

demolishing small castles built where they
could only reach by tide or wind. The glee
and laughter gone, as well as all the gay
bright colored beach umbrella company
erected for that sunny day. No thought
was given to this time of year that brought

the promise of springtime. A passing lie
which winter told when she was in the mood.
December days with Sol’s unblinking eye
are when I seek my hearth and solitude
till seasons change and only one fulfills
my need for sun and warmth and daffodils.

Very nicely done Larry!
I, too, have been struggling with the same challenge; only for me it is the months and months of floods still devastating homes, farms and cities right across UK.
I've just read your response to this challenge, and Shelly's great line :
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!" sprang to mind.
I'll keep chipping away at my attempt - but it'll be no match for yours.
Hugs,
Leo

Hi Leo,

Thank you for the read and the praise; even quoting Shelly. None should despair of my meager offerings, for if I had real talent,
I would have been published a long time ago. Besides, MM's forums are here to help hone and polish our skills so there shouldn't
ever be any kind of rivalry, just suggestions and critiques which might assist the author in their work.

Here is a quote back at you: "Nothing is ever done beautifully which is done in rivalship; or nobly, which is done in pride." - John Ruskin

Please carry on with that challenge and show us something beautiful!

Larry

That's the problem Larry; I can't come up with something for the challenge that is even slightly beautiful;and when I saw how well you had done, I despaired
.

Re your John Ruskin quote: "Nothing is ever done beautifully which is done in rival-ship; or nobly, which is done in pride."
Sadly, (and of course it's no fault of his own), he was not able to watch this year's winter Olympics.
The young snowboarders, for example, were breathtaking - and all in the Olympic spirit of friendly and respectful competition.
Hugs,
Leo

Excellent piece, Larry... and it would be difficult to discover that it was from a challenge!!ser

Just a couple of observations:



deLighting in your sharing, Daniel

Hi Daniel,

Sorry to have taken so long in returning to comment on your suggestions. As far as past/present tense, the whole poem was in past tense except for that one line to let the reader know where I was and what I was doing while thinking back upon what used to be.

Oops! You are, of course, right about the missing syl in S3/L4. I was thinking "Suthun'" and pronounced it "Um-ber-ell-a" in my mind. It has been fixed and I hope the bumps are gone for you.

Larry

Hi Larry;
the weather has been odd for much of our continent--which leads me to gloat about the stability of the weather in the specific area that I call home, although the heat is beginning to rise day by day.
But, what I really wanted to comment on is this:

demolishing small castles built where they
could only reach by tide or wind.

should I read it as:

demolishing small castles built where they
could only be reached by tide or wind. (?)
I realize it messes up your syllable count, but I think the "be" could be concidered a grace note as used in music. A reader's inflection could easily hide this perceived flaw. Great poem, sir.
Jerry

Hi Jerry,

Your suggestion of adding a word here and there might be due to a misconception about what was demolishing sand castles.

If you start your "read" at S2/L5-6 you will see that I am talking about the waves; "they" are what is demolishing and "they" could only reach that area of the beach during tidal swells or with the help of strong winds. Hope you see where I'm coming from now.

The shore was empty and my passing glance
revealed the froth as waves began their dance;

demolishing small castles built where they
could only reach by tide or wind.


Larry

I'm giving this one a for later commentary, after my errands are finished.

Be back later!
~Cleo