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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Oct 16 16, 13:12
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
I gaze at her watching the gallery,
admiring the Byzantine depictions of death. Her eyes give no further answers but I know she despises fleas her high heels cannot stamp them out. She is parcel of her own impending destruction How long before track marks move from her driveway to arm. How long can her absolution linger ? Meanwhile her eyes follow the darkest spot of the gallery. ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Oct 16 16, 19:03
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#2
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 Assyrian Posts: 250 Joined: 1-November 15 Member No.: 5,282 Real Name: richard chase Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Rhapsody |
This is a dark one but very effective in depicting the character. I like the comparison, the forecasted progression from tracks in the driveway to tracks on the arm, a quick and accurate peek at her future. ]]Well done, RC
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Oct 17 16, 00:46
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#3
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Thank you kindly.
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Oct 19 16, 01:24
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#4
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,953 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Wow, Antony! This one holds a big punch. Powerful, indeed.
I'm not sure about the reference to stamping out fleas. Is that metaphorical? Nobody can stamp out fleas! Anyway, perhaps you need a comma after fleas. And a full stop after destruction. Do you mean this girl might self-harm by cutting her arms? And would you consider using a question mark after "linger"? Else, it needs a full stop and Cap the next line, methinks. Dark expressions in good poetic style. Syl  QUOTE (greenwich @ Oct 16 16, 15:12 )  I gaze at her watching the gallery, admiring the Byzantine depictions of death. Her eyes give no further answers but I know she despises fleas her high heels cannot stamp them out. She is parcel of her own impending destruction How long before track marks move from her driveway to arm. How long can her absolution linger meanwhile her eyes follow the darkest spot of the gallery. ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 18th May 2024 - 14:29 |
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