Re-Union, Wizard Award For Veterans Everywhere Options

[Guest__*]

Faery Award

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

Re-Union

The sound of muted voices, heard from another age.
Spirits of long dead soldiers who'd turned their final page.
Old Joe sat in the corner, left all alone at last;
Hearing the secret whispers as he relived his past.

He'd met here with his comrades for over sixty years;
Fighting those ancient battles, the love, the joys, the tears.
Tonight the hall was empty, as Time, Immortal Foe
completed all that carnage, begun so long ago.

Old soldiers can be stubborn; Joe sat, and waited for
a lad named Tommy Atkins to march in through the door.
For Joe, and his pal Tommy  had walked through shot and shell
Their loyalty and friendship surviving years of Hell.

Old Joe recalled the moment his leg was shot away,
and good old Tommy Atkins had saved his life that day.
Tom carried him to safety, and then, an old spent round
caught Tommy in the temple. He fell without a sound.

Both of the wounded heroes were invalided home,
They swore that they'd be comrades, wherever they might roam.
Now, at their last reunion, Joe sipped his tepid beer,
and waited with a deepening dread, for Tommy wasn't here.

Joe looked around in dark despair, his heart was sick and sore,
and then his face lit up with joy as Tom walked through the door.
Joe gasped in sheer amazement, for Tommy's face was clean.
The blemish of the bullet's scar was no more to be seen.

Tom stepped up, young and sprightly, saluted his friend Joe.
"Come on old pal, the bugle blows, its time for us to go"
Old Joe stood to attention, they marched out side by side.
Out to the waiting regiment. Those comrades who had died.

The barman watched Joe's corner, and said with some dismay,
"Old Joe seems awfully quiet. I think he's passed away."
But a miracle had happened, Joe found once more his feet
and rank and file with his soldier Pals,

marched off to the drummers beat.
.


.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Wow Tom!

Let me compose myself a bit....

Very touching as I'm sure others will say!   You've certainly made this 'ode' very real to me. I spy just a couple areas to comment. I do not think (but I will check) you need to capitalize after semi-colons?

Lovely!
Hugaroooos!
~Cleo  

Old Joe sat in the corner, left all alone at last;
H hearing the secret whispers *add comma? as he relived his past.

He'd met here with his comrades for over sixty years;
F fighting those ancient battles, the love, the joys, the tears.

For Joe, and his pal Tommy  had walked through shot and shell *add comma?
T their loyalty and friendship surviving years of Hell.

Both of the wounded heroes were invalided home,
T they swore that they'd be comrades, wherever they might roam.

Joe gasped in sheer amazement, for Tommy's face was clean.
The blemish of the bullet's scar was no more to be seen.
I love the point here you've started to make in this stanza! Why is his face unscarred - good lead in!  

"Come on old pal, the bugle blows, its time for us to go" *endstop?
Old Joe stood to attention, they marched out side by side.
Out to the waiting regiment.*semi-colon? Those comrades who had died.

But Joe had had a miracle, he'd found once more his feet. *comma>?
and rank and file with his soldier Pals,

marched off to the drummers beat.

Tom, I like the way you've made the last line its own. Nice touch! :pharoah2  

[Guest__*]

Dear Tom
This poemis sheer brilliance, and very touching.

I love it !

No crits except I agree with Cleo !

Love
Alan

[Guest__*]

Hi Lori

Thanks for the input. I'll be looking carefully at the punctuation.
I use semi colons as a tool. They act as a distinct pause where a full stop would be too abrupt and a comma insufficient for dramatic effect.


Joe gasped in sheer amazement, for Tommy's face was clean.
The blemish of the bullet's scar was no more to be seen.
I love the point here you've started to make in this stanza! Why is his face unscarred - good lead in! 

This verse is somewhat surrealistic. The story goes that at the last trumpet, the body is risen anew. So Tommy has died, and returned to collect his long lost friend. All of his scars are healed/cleaned up. Similarly, when Joe pops his clogs, his spiritual being is able to rejoin his regiment on two new feet. Get it ?

Poetic licence run amok.  

Hugz

Tom
.

[Guest__*]

Hello Alan.
Thanks for the compliments.
This one is for Armistice Day and Veteran's Day combined.

Tom
.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Tom, hi

The Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month of 1918.

At the going down of the Sun and in the morning we will remember them (and, lest we do forget, each year we'll make sure that more are slaughtered). The Cenotaph ceremony and the British Legion Festival of Remembrance this year included tributes to the memory of the military personnel killed in Iraq this year. Another was killed a couple of days ago and the Americans are losing even more than we are.

I believe that, since the end of WWII there has been only one year in which some British military personnel have not been killed on active service somewhere around the Globe. This poem then is not just about All out Yesterdays; it is about Today and our Tomorrows.

But death is comparatively good compared with having to live with some injuries. Atkins being shot in the temple reminds me of a Nottinghamshire lad killed in The Falklands War of 1982. To have to live with such an injury does not make easy thoughts. I am very “pleased” that you have brought all these thoughts to us with a superb fresh look at the subject.

As you may have seen from my many ramblings, after Shakespeare, Wilfred Owen is my favourite poet. I do think that you have captured something of his message in this (given the gap of years).

I am not sure anyone was disagreeing with you but, for the record, your use of the semi-colon is precisely the same as mine. I fear the chap is being phased-out but you and I can fight that battle.

Another punctuation mark under threat is the apostrophe. (How's that for a link??) I have spotted that you missed one... “drummers beat”... or was it deliberate to indicate one or many?

“Time, Immortal Foe” - do all these words need capitals? I would have thought that “Time” might have as you are naming it but I could not understand the capitals for the following two words.

I thought that Cleo understood the “unscarred” face point - I took her question as rhetorical. Nevertheless, your clever introduction of a ghost(ly presence) is clever here.

I agree that, strictly speaking, part of the poem is surreal. However, it is well within the genre of ghost story (poetically expressed) so I think it is easily understood by all.

The use of "Tommy Atkins" is clever in this. (Tommy Atkins is the generic nick-name for any British soldier).

Just one phrase glitched with me as being the wrong side of sentimental...
"his heart was sick and sore". This is, perhaps, more a personal thing than a general crit but I don't like hearts being given emotions; they are pumps for blood. I think that, perhaps, using the heart in this cliche manner somewhat undermines the excellence of the poem as a whole. I don't know if you can (or wish to) find a way round that?

Well done, Tom. Most enjoyable and fitting.

[Guest__*]

Hello James
My brother in law, Sam, was one of the first commandoes to head the  British offensive on D.Day. Or, to be more precise, D Day -1, as he and his comrades landed on June 5th 1944, in an attempt to sabotage key defences at the beach heads. Many books on the subject refer to him as the diminutive Sammy Ryder.( He was one of the original diddy men.)  
Fortunately he returned from this foray unscathed, and able to fight on in Malaya, Korea, and then Cyprus for Queen and country.

He and I, and several other ex-professional soldiers believe that the ceremonies held at the various cenotaphs around the country should be discontinued. That may sound controversial, but it seems to us that the occasion is now used more to glorify war and the nobility of those taking part than to remember the fallen.

As the song says.
When will it ever end.

Thanks for the comments Jim. Time, Immortal Foe is the Enemy.  Personalised because it is more deadly, eventually, than a thousand machine guns.I note your remarks about the heart being sick and sore. I suppose to a man in his mid forties this may sound cliche. Wait until you are eighty.  In degrees of sick and soreness it comes in closely behind the knees and the hips.  

About those semi colons. "We will fight them on the beaches"  

The Verb was excellent last night. (Radio Three, 2145.)

Cheers

Tom

.

[Charon]

As a veteran who has a daughter serving today, this poem was awesome.  True goosebumps appeared.  

Cleo, aka Lori, does a great job offering hints, and I am no means a worthwhile crit.  I did have a couple of problems with some words, but as you will find out that is me.  Invalided throws me.  It seems obtrusive and somehow offensive to the poem.  I know what you are trying to say and agree with the thought process, but the word is just difficult, sort of one of those invisible bumps in the path you trip over as you walk along a familar way.

The last stanza threw me, then grabbed me.  I had not rolled up far enough to see the last line.  I was sort of anticipating the ending and then wham it wasn't there, until, the mouse scrolled down.  

Awesome, awesome, awesome.

da Hun

[Guest__*]

Hello Butch.
I hope all is well with your daughter. It's never an easy thing to serve in the forces, but in these times, when we don't know who the enemy is, it's even more difficult.

I'm glad you got the gist of this poem. I'm not too sure where to go with invalided. It's a common term in the UK for repatriating wounded soldiers.
Perhaps it's a stress thing

Thanks for the comments.

Tom.

[Guest_Zeus˛_*]

Tom,
you caught it all. Been to a few reunions and see the numbers dwindle down. Great tribute to all who served with honor.
Larry

[Guest_Jox_*]

Tom, Hi...

I am no soldier - not by any stretch of the imagination. However, I do appreciate the annual ceremony. The reason is mainly that societies are all too eager to send their people off to war and, then, all to eager to forget the human cost quickly afterwards. At least by having this fixed point in the calendar we are reminded of the pain suffered, suffering and to be suffered. It might - just might - make us that bit less gung-ho; less willing to commit to war unless we decide it absolutely necessary.

For those reasons I do not think that the ceremonies glorify war at all. Many things in society do that - from a child's first toy gun, through the cops / robbers films and Rambo style epics - and today's pc/video games too - through all the headlines in crap tabloids. Yes, plenty to glorify war but I think the dignified and quiet ceremonies are a reminder of the cost not a celebration of the spoils. (What spoils, anyway??)

I thought I might pop up to Birkenhead if you fancy digging in there? Say a pill box (heart tablets removed first) and a few dozen semi-colon protecting devices should do it. We'll be ready for all those editors. We shall fight them in the bookshops... we shall never semi-colon surrender!

I keep meaning to listen to R3's Verb but am almost always at a sauna evening on Sundays. Don't have timed recording technology... must invest in some. Thanks for the reminder.

James.

[Guest__*]

Hi Larry.
Careful with that cider.  
When you say the numbers dwindle down you remind me that I didn't mention the origin of this poem. This is for my father in law, Joe, and his brother, based on their injuries received serving with the Liverpool Pals in WWI. My dad was with the Royal Welch Fusiliers in the same war. He was wounded and gassed in 1916. All three left us between 1979/ 82. So Time, Immortal Foe has had a heyday with the old veterans.  We still see the odd Chelsea Pensioner around though.
Thanks for commenting

Tom
.

[Guest__*]

Nice one James. Birkenhead is only fifteen miles or so away from us. I'm at the other end of the county. But let me know, and we'll man the battlements

Tom
.

[Cybele]

Good Morning Tom,

A very fine tribute to all the Fallen indeed, building nicely to the denouement. it marches along as if accompanied by a military band.

Just two tiny comments.  I agree about the heart being sick and sore. I associate these words more with those long monologues told by people such as Jack Warner and Stanley Holloway.

The barman watched Joe's corner, and said with some dismay,
"Old Joe looks awfully quiet. I think he's passed away."
But Joe had had a miracle, he'd found once more his feet.
and rank and file with his soldier Pals,


The only thing that jarred for me Tom. L3 last stanza. No suggestions to offer but I do think it needs a slight tweak.

Love

Grace  ???

[Guest__*]

Good Morning Our Grace.

That line has bothered me too. I've tried all manner of ways, but upto now, this is the only way I can find to say clearly what I mean to say. And of course, the "miracle" is the whole crux of the poem.

The closest alternative I could think of
was
But Joe had found a miracle; he stood on two good feet
but it sounded too contrived,

So I'm open to suggestions.
Sixty Five heads are better than one.  


Hugz
Tom

.

[Cybele]

Hello again Tom,

Have been pondering, pondering.

The barman watched Joe's corner, and said with some dismay,
"Old Joe looks awfully quiet. I think he's passed away."
But Joe had had a miracle, he'd found once more his feet.
and rank and file with his soldier Pals,

First line 2
perhaps Joe would 'seem' awfully quiet  'looks' doesn't quite fit do you think Tom?

How about

But a miracle had happened, Joe found once more his feet (No full stop at the end.


"Ya pays ya money, ya takes ya choice, whatever ya want..."


Love

Grace

[Guest__*]

Dear Tom and Grace

The barman watched Joe's corner, and said with some dismay,
"Old Joe looks awfully quiet. I think he's passed away."
But Joe had had a miracle, he'd found once more his feet.
and rank and file with his soldier Pals,

marched off to the drummers beat.

How about :

But there had been a miracle, Joe'd once more found his feet.

Love
Alan (head 64.5)

[Guest_Jox_*]

Tom, Hi

The barman watched Joe's corner, and said with some dismay,
"Old Joe looks awfully quiet. I think he's passed away."
But Joe had had a miracle, he'd found once more his feet.
and rank and file with his soldier Pals,

marched off to the drummers beat.

What about:

Omitting "some"
Don't need a comma before "and" - which is a conjunction (though this being poetry do as you wish). If you do need to slow it further at that point try a dash.

Transformed; - truer to the meaning, perhaps less cliche than "miracle" and it  avoids "had had" (Could also use "Joe had been transformed" but I think the use of "was" indicates a higher intervention - as in a "miracle"). I think the semi-colon after "transformed" works well. (Call it a Birkenhead special).

I've tried to sneek in drummer's

I hope this suggestion does not wreck your rhyme scheme or any other technicality. Well, I'm not sure I care actually - it is an excellent poem because of the use of words more than anything - so compromising on words seems more of a shame!

Thus:
The barman watched Joe's corner - and said with dismay,
"Old Joe looks awfully quiet. I think he's passed away."
But Joe was transformed; he'd found once more his feet.
and rank and file with his soldier Pals,

marched off to the drummer's beat.

Regards and As You Like It. J.

[Guest__*]

I've struggled with that since Armistice Day.
(1918 that is) Or so it seems

  Now it can be told

   I Love You  

       

Triple Hugz

Tom

.

[Cybele]

Okay Akh,

Fess up who is it that you love?

All agog.

Grace