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Children of All Ages, Good Night |
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Oct 30 15, 16:55
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Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 35
Joined: 30-October 15
Member No.: 5,275
Real Name: Don Zirilli
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eisa
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REVISION:
After you divorced me, your mother took me to the circus. I remember the horses running in the ring, women standing on their backs, scions of the great plains going around and around and round again, followed by clowns who didn’t wear makeup telling jokes with their bodies. We hugged, your mother and I, at the end of that pageantry, acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
original:
After our divorce your mother took me to the circus. I remember the horses running in the ring, women standing on their backs, scions of the great plains going around and around and round again, followed by clowns who didn’t wear makeup telling jokes with their bodies. We hugged, your mother and I, at the end of that pageantry, acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
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Nov 1 15, 03:31
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Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 41
Joined: 31-October 15
Member No.: 5,278
Real Name: Heather Lazarus
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Rhapsody
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Posty, I read this through as if from the perspective of the ex-husband speaking to his child perhaps, and I thoroughly enjoyed the conceit. But the scene itself struck me as odd, and I think my difficulty comes from: Your mother took me to the circus
Now, maybe I read this from the wrong perspective entirely, but I was trying to imagine this situation- after a divorce, the two trying to make peace- but that line implies to me a rather parental relationship, and the balanced relationship at the end doesn't reflect that. I enjoyed reading the images of the circus players as a reflection on life in general, but also with reference to divorce specifically, but I was left scratching my head as to what you were trying to reflect in their relationship. ....please don't tell me he was speaking to her about his mother-in-law....:) Heather
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Nov 1 15, 16:32
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 138
Joined: 11-May 10
From: california
Member No.: 1,120
Real Name: karen
Writer of: Poetry
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Hi Posty,
I read it and thought you were talking about your ex mother-in-law. Your wife's mother... Now I'm intrigued. I put together the ringmaster as your ex wife, calling the shots. Nice poem, interesting images.
KD
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Nov 1 15, 19:24
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hi Posty
On first read, I thought you were talking to your child/children.
On second read I thought you were referring to your mother-in-law. The poem makes sense either way.
Interesting take from Karen that the ringmaster is the ex-wife. I too am intrigued. Let us know the truth! We're all intrigued!
Eira
I like the thought of clowns telling jokes with their bodies.
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Nov 2 15, 15:28
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Hi Posty, I really enjoyed this and felt a bit of sorrow and humor in it - if that makes sense. Is it like a sarcastic goodbye from the mother-in-law to her son-in-law? To me, I look at this way: The son-in-law has a realization and the 'scions' were all the women that tried to control things during the marriage - but the merry-go-round effect meant nothing ever changed. The clowns could be others who just were blind. The ending is the cream : the final realization that something is ending - and the potential for a new beginning for both. An intriguing poem! I am not an FV expert by any stretch, so will see what others say too and come back again. Enjoyed the read, ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Nov 2 15, 21:34
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Ornate Oracle
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,926
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
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Hi Posty,
I too, was a bit perplexed by your poem, in spite of the good imagery in tone with the haunting, sad breakup that accompanies most divorces. I've been there, and it was worse than the word usage in these lines. A mixture of irony tinged with humour. Yet difficult to sort out!
QUOTE (posthumous @ Oct 30 15, 19:55 ) After our divorce your mother took me to the circus. I remember the horses running in the ring, women standing on their backs, scions of the great plains going around and around and round again, followed by clowns who didn’t wear makeup telling jokes with their bodies. We hugged, your mother and I, at the end of that pageantry, acceding to the ringmaster’s cries. The first lines make me think of an older person re-telling his childhood memories of the time his mother-in-law took him to the circus. (I'm saying mother-in-law because I've read other's comments, as well as your own!). Then your poem gets more profound, that of an older person looking back on the kind of charade that the marriage had become. The 'clowns telling jokes with their bodies' (without make-up), confuses me a bit. It comes over as if a veil has been removed, revealing all that cover-up that adults use so as not to upset the kids...whew! The ending is stupendous, IMO...child and older woman hugging sincerely, surrendering to the powers that be, to that which can't be helped. Tx for sharing, Psyche
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Mis temas favoritos The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!MM Award Winner
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Nov 3 15, 15:01
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy
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Enjoyable poem. Killer line "scions of the great plains". I thought you may have described the clowns jokes in another way, other than their bodies, maybe sadness ?
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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Nov 6 15, 18:21
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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H Posty, The change in L1 has made it much clearer. Eira
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Nov 8 15, 15:17
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Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 32
Joined: 30-October 15
From: Canada
Member No.: 5,277
Real Name: Deb Calverley
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Rhapsody
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Hi Post: Maybe I've had enough sleep for once as I did get this immediately as your ex mom in law taking you out to the circus (which is a bit bizarre in and of itself) after a divorce. It made me stop and think 'why on earth would she take you to the circus?' as that is something you do with a child and then it struck me that perhaps it was a nostalgic thing to do as a circus is something from the past. It may have been a bit of a truce or an 'it's ok' type of outing and the hug at the end clarifies that this relationship is ok and there are no hard feelings which is very poignant. I enjoyed this, the women on horseback going around and around almost like habit almost like a marriage that just goes and goes but really goes nowhere. Great poem! Cheers W QUOTE (posthumous @ Oct 30 15, 15:55 ) REVISION:
After you divorced me, your mother took me to the circus. I remember the horses running in the ring, women standing on their backs, scions of the great plains going around and around and round again, followed by clowns who didn’t wear makeup telling jokes with their bodies. We hugged, your mother and I, at the end of that pageantry, acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
original:
After our divorce your mother took me to the circus. I remember the horses running in the ring, women standing on their backs, scions of the great plains going around and around and round again, followed by clowns who didn’t wear makeup telling jokes with their bodies. We hugged, your mother and I, at the end of that pageantry, acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
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Nov 16 15, 18:36
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Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 30
Joined: 30-October 15
From: High Peak
Member No.: 5,276
Real Name: Mike Daniels
Writer of: Poetry
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QUOTE (posthumous @ Oct 30 15, 21:55 ) REVISION:
After you divorced me, your mother took me to the circus. I remember the horses running in the ring, women standing on their backs, scions of the great plains going around and around and round again, followed by clowns who didn’t wear makeup telling jokes with their bodies. We hugged, your mother and I, at the end of that pageantry, acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
Thought I'd already commented on this one and it comes as a surprise to find that I hadn't. There's a metaphor lurking in there are the horse going round and round with a female acrobat on its (broad) back as goad yet that doesn't feel clean somehow. By which I mean, I suspect it's an accidental metaphor, unintended. The second metaphor suggests that the extended family are forced into some kind of reconciliation at the request/demand of the ex-wife. That feels much cleaner. Lawyers as clowns without make-up - I like a great deal.
Interesting poem, rich images, simple language and dense/complex ideas. Mike
original:
After our divorce your mother took me to the circus. I remember the horses running in the ring, women standing on their backs, scions of the great plains going around and around and round again, followed by clowns who didn’t wear makeup telling jokes with their bodies. We hugged, your mother and I, at the end of that pageantry, acceding to the ringmaster’s cries.
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this is not a rebel song
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Nov 17 15, 18:36
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Nomad
Group: Silver Member
Posts: 35
Joined: 30-October 15
Member No.: 5,275
Real Name: Don Zirilli
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eisa
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A, I may or may not accede to your further comments. W, D, I love what you're pulling from the poem. The story is true but full of metaphor nonetheless. And yes it was a poignant moment, that felt less odd when it happened but seems so odd now. Really only 18 years later did it suddenly seem odd enough to write about.
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