 Haiku |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms  |
| Guest_alice_* |
 Jul 29 09, 05:12
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#1
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end of summer
in silence we share the last plum alice |
  
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Jul 29 09, 17:44
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#2
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Babylonian  Posts: 87 Joined: 27-November 06 Member No.: 361 Real Name: Ross Baird Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Mysty |
Alice:
Lovely image and a nice short poem. Whether it is a haiku or not is probably open to debate. I believe haiku's have a 5-7-5 rhythm. Something like: the end of summer arrives in silence; we share the juicy last plus. Still these are nice lines. In fact they are better than mine. ace |
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Jul 30 09, 07:32
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#3
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 Babylonian Posts: 66 Joined: 14-May 09 Member No.: 798 Real Name: James Carver Writer of: Poetry Referred By:poppy |
hi alice
i think this piece speaks volumes with beautifull imagery that is heartfelt.loved it regarding the format,the syllable structure is allowed to be less than 17 as far as i know. cheers hellfire |
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| Guest_alice_* |
Jul 30 09, 08:54
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#4
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Hi ace, thanks so much for reading and commenting on my ku. I find 17 syls too long most of the time, but you never know, I may come up with one
 I like the sound of yours..especially: "The end of summer arrives in silence" I'd probably just tag on "juicy plums"The end of summer arrives in silence Juicy plums take care Alice |
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| Guest_alice_* |
Jul 30 09, 08:57
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#5
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Hellfire, appreciate your comments. yes, I believe there are many schools of thought and much debate on how many syllables a ku should have.
I'm glad you liked my shorter one.. regards Alice |
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Aug 1 09, 08:09
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#6
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Alice44,
 I enjoyed this haiku. I also don;t agree that they must confirm soley to the 5/7/5 traditinal rule of thumb. Might I suggest 2 offerings? Swap L1 and L3 and is there another way to phrase 'end of summer' without using the season word itself? end of summer in silence we share the last plum Enjoyed, ~Cleo 
·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
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