 SUNLIGHT, acrostic huitain |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 May 25 05, 09:18
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
SUNLIGHT
Since when does fog keep sun away? unbridled, it will have its way… not moved from energizing all, lamenting not that rain will fall, impressed a little by the sway grass does to catch life-giving rays however fleeting through the clouds; today, green glist’ning lawns dew proud. © Daniel J Ricketts 25 May 2005 ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
May 25 05, 11:34
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#2
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QUOTE Since when does fog keep sun away? unbridled, it will have its way… The fog eventually dissipates and the sun shines down on us once again. QUOTE lamenting not that rain will fall, It doesn't help to worry about what might happen, we all know that something will, just like the rain will fall. QUOTE today, green glist’ning lawns dew proud. I love this last line! The "dew" instead of "do". The day will come when things are looking up again! Cathy 
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| Guest_Nina_* |
May 25 05, 13:00
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#3
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Hi Daniel
an interesting look at sunlight, taken from a different perspective. Nina |
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| Guest_Toumai_* |
May 26 05, 01:52
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#4
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Hi Daniel,
A lovely perspective on sunlight and life; beautiful poem. Thanks for sharing it. Fran |
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May 26 05, 04:30
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#5
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 764 Joined: 18-October 04 From: Sabah, Malaysia Member No.: 80 Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Daniel,
I like the title, very simple. The format too. This is a very catchy little piece. I am so tempted to write one.  Aggie ······· ······· |
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Jun 1 05, 18:50
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#6
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Oh Daniel
You have taken one of my favourite forms and made it into an acrostic. What a clever idea. I enjoyed this very much. Snow ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner        |
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Jun 2 05, 09:52
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#7
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 862 Joined: 25-June 04 From: Ohio, USA Member No.: 70 Real Name: Susan Eckenrode Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Merlin |
Delightfully done, Dan!
Until I read one of Eisa's huitain's, the form was unknown to me. Now I see you have one that is acrostic as well. Quite a feat to accomplish and you've done so very well. I see nothing I'd change. enjoyed muchly sue ······· ······· |
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Jun 4 05, 02:28
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#8
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Daniel...
Long time since I dropped in.  Notice, you have a small ray of sunlight down the length of your poem, mate. Very unassuming and filled with little subtle, brilliant, surprizes. :taco: Ya dood us proud, mate.  Arnie  :hat: :pilgrim:
······· ·······Arnfinn
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner   |
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Jun 4 05, 09:34
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#9
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
HI Daniel. :sun:
Well done ~ a clever verse with a great ending! I've one suggestion so as not to use the word 'not' twice in this short form piece. not moved from energizing all, How about: un-moved from energizing all, ? Cheers! ~Cleo :pharoah: ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Sep 6 06, 05:49
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#10
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Cathy @ May 25 05, 12:34 ) [snapback]40619[/snapback] QUOTE Since when does fog keep sun away? The fog eventually dissipates and the sun shines down on usunbridled, it will have its way… once again. QUOTE lamenting not that rain will fall, It doesn't help to worry about what might happen, we all knowthat something will, just like the rain will fall. QUOTE today, green glist’ning lawns dew proud. I love this last line! The "dew" instead of "do". The day willcome when things are looking up again! Cathy OOPS! Another reply I'm behind in from w a a a y back! Thanks for your visit, Cat I'm pleased that you gave your wonderful interlinear commentary, and I enjoyed your appreciation!  in Light of time past, Daniel
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Sep 6 06, 05:52
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#11
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Nina @ May 25 05, 14:00 ) [snapback]40628[/snapback] Hi Daniel an interesting look at sunlight, taken from a different perspective. Nina Thanks so much, Nina! Always a deLight to hear from you! Sorry it took me so long to say so! ~ Daniel 
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Sep 6 06, 05:53
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#12
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Toumai @ May 26 05, 02:52 ) [snapback]40657[/snapback] Hi Daniel, A lovely perspective on sunlight and life; beautiful poem. Thanks for sharing it. Fran ... and thank YOU for sharing your always welcome perspective. deLightedly, Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Sep 6 06, 05:55
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#13
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Aggiel @ May 26 05, 05:30 ) [snapback]40662[/snapback] Hi Daniel, I like the title, very simple. The format too. This is a very catchy little piece. I am so tempted to write one. Aggie Thanks so much, Aggie... and I hope you've done so by now! in deLight, Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Sep 6 06, 05:56
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#14
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Eisa @ Jun 1 05, 19:50 ) [snapback]41439[/snapback] Oh Daniel, you have taken one of my favourite forms and made it into an acrostic. What a clever idea. I enjoyed this very much. Snow I'm deLighted to know that, Snow. Thank YOU! ~ Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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Sep 6 06, 05:59
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#15
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(heartsong7 @ Jun 2 05, 10:52 ) [snapback]41501[/snapback] Delightfully done, Daniel! Until I read one of Eisa's huitain's, the form was unknown to me. Now I see you have one that is acrostic as well. Quite a feat to accomplish, and you've done so very well. I see nothing I'd change. enjoyed muchly ~ sue Thanks so much, Marm! I hope I'll see more of you soon. I promise not be late for class any more! sLightly embarrassed, Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Sep 6 06, 06:01
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#16
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Arnfinn @ Jun 4 05, 03:28 ) [snapback]41603[/snapback] Hi Daniel... Long time since I dropped in. Notice, you have a small ray of sunlight down the length of your poem, mate. Very unassuming and filled with little subtle, brilliant, surprizes.  Ya dood us proud, mate. Arnie   It's been even longer since I dropped in here on YOU, my friend! Looks like I need to do some more fishin' to catch a few more, too! Lightly blushin', Daniel
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Sep 6 06, 06:04
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#17
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,807 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE(Cleo_Serapis @ Jun 4 05, 10:34 ) [snapback]41783[/snapback] HI, Daniel. Well done ~ a clever verse with a great ending!I've one suggestion so as not to use the word 'not' twice in this short form piece. not moved from energizing all, How about: un-moved from energizing all, ? Cheers! ~Cleo  That's a worthy suggestion for a mere huitain, Lori! Thank you. If this were not also an acrostic, I'd likely adopt it. Any suggestions re the other 'not'? deLighting in the sharing... fianally, Daniel
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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