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> Bliss ***, The Coming of Spring
jeannefiedler
post Mar 20 14, 13:22
Post #1


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Real Name: Jeanne Fiedler
Writer of: Poetry
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The birth of spring
a renaissance of new life
patterns beginning again
as intoxicating scents
of blossoms and greenery or
a soft tear of a raindrop on a petal

We slow down and let our relaxation
spin us around a little
carefree and innocent
childlike - we discover anew
the water adrift - our bodies serene
We are full of creativity
and dream of romance

Songs of the breeze
a white cottage where
our spirits reside
We relive this vibration
year after year
each time a fresh new outlook
where dew leaves its impression
on our minds
- a new start -
the beginning of a new adventure
 
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Maggie
post Mar 20 14, 15:24
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Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Beautiful poem, Jeanne. Spring has been written about for eons, but your poem feels fresh and new.

Peggy/Maggie


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Maureen
post Apr 12 14, 19:55
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Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn



Enjoyed the read of your lovely poem Jeanne - different side of the world and we are going into our Autumn now but Spring is always the time I like the best

Cheers

Maureen


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Eisa
post Apr 19 14, 14:02
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From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Hi Jeanne, I love seasonal poems and as it is spring here in UK this one made me smile.

I feel you have a few too many 'the's' especially starting lines - especially in the first stanza. I have offered one alternative.

I also feel your poem could be divided quite nicely into a few shorter stanzas rather than one long one.


The birth of spring -
[the] a rennaisance of new life
[the pattern beginning] begins the pattern again
The intoxicating scent
of blossoms and greenery
the soft tear of a raindrop on a petal
Sp rennaissance

We slow down and let [our] relaxation
spin us aroun[g]d a little
carefree and innocent
childlike - we discover anew
the water adrift - our bodies serene
L1 perhaps delete 'our' - sp.. in L2

We are full of creativity
and dream of romance
the song of the breeze
the white cottage where
our spirits reside

We relive this vibration
year after year
each time a fresh new outlook
the dew leaves its impression
on our minds
- a new start -
the beginning of a new adventure

I think the last stanza is my favourite.
Snow Snowflake.gif


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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jeannefiedler
post May 2 14, 05:22
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Real Name: Jeanne Fiedler
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I completed a new revision. Thanks for the critique Eisa.
 
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Arnfinn
post Aug 13 14, 07:32
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From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry




I do not know what the fuss is about.

Spring has arrived.

And well identified.

I can only find praise for a well written, easy to read piece of poetry.

Regards,

John


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post Aug 14 14, 23:40
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Posts: 3,853
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting




Hi Jeanne, JackBox.gif

This is a lovely, radiant poem about the coming of Spring.

We all seem to be in different latitudes. I'm in the middle of winter, though not a particularly snowy one. I loved the snow when it did fall! Hoping for some more, as it's far too mild now. Snowflake.gif

I think you've revised your poem very well. Eisa always gives good advice, I'm so glad she's dropped in again! butterfly.gif

Congrats, Jeanne, bring on some more! cheer.gif

Sylvia***


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Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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