Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain, Revised ~ 6/20/07 (a complete turnaround) Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I did some refresh research on the Swap Quatrain and discovered that it should have iambic meter. Well... the last verse in the original didn't so it's been rewritten and a verse added. Let me know what you think please?

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain (Revision 2)

As darkness spreads... a raven cries;
low-sailing sun turns red and dyes
the fading light with crimson threads.
A raven cries as darkness spreads...

When midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows, weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek when midnight drapes.

Pale silhouettes of mists ensnare
soft winds still whisp'ring unaware
of pending grief; a coronet
of mists ensnare pale silhouettes.

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic themes.
Dark velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep
in ancient dreams; sweet angels weep.


The darkness fed... a raven cried;
the failing sun turned red and died.
As waning light to crimson bled,
a raven cried... the darkness fed.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006



Revision 1

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic themes.
Soft velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep;
in ancient dreams, sweet angels weep.

As midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek as midnight drapes.

A silhouette of mist ensnares
the winds still whisp'ring unaware
of silent grief; a coronet
of mist ensnares a silhouette.

The darkness spreads... a raven cries;
low-sailing sun turns red and dyes
pale streaks of light with crimson threads.
A raven cries; the darkness spreads...

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006

S3 L1 A silhouette of hope ensnares
L2 high winds still whisp'ring unaware
L3 for silent grief and deep regret
L4 of hope ensnares a silhouette


Original~

Nightmare's Chamber ~ Swap Quatrain

Sweet angels weep in ancient dreams
as thoughts presage prophetic theme.
Dark velvet eyes fear Satan's sleep;
in ancient dreams, sweet angels weep.

As midnight drapes, dank chambers reek
of shadows weary as they seek
lost souls who drift in moonlit crepes;
dank chambers reek as midnight drapes.

When comes the morrow - hearts implore;
yet winds still whisper Nevermore!
In silent grief and gripping sorrow,
hearts implore, when comes the morrow?

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Aug 2006

S1 L2 - as thoughts flow in prophetic theme
S2 L3 - for souls who drift in ghostly capes
S3 L3 - In silent grief and deepest sorrow
S2 L3 - 'for' to 'lost'
S1 L3 - dark velvet eyes who fear to sleep
S2 L1 & 4 'the' to 'dank'
midnight
weary
chamber(s)
angels
dreams
ancient
nevermore
morrow
velvet
prophet(ic)

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Cathy.

Your revised last two stanzas are an improvement methinks. For some reason the nevermore didn't quite work.

My question here has to do with this stanza:

A silhouette of hope ensnares
high winds still whisp'ring unaware;
for silent grief and deep regret
of hope ensnares a silhouette.

I keep reading this as "deep regret of hope ensnares" - I would think the narrator wishes that hope survives without regret so cannot be ensnared by a silhouette? I might be reading this stanza incorrectly - but I doodled an alternate idea just to stir your muse to show that prayers offer hope against the silhouette (with a slight twist on the closing 'prayer's":

A silhouette of sanguine prayers
ensnare unspoken hopes, aware
that silent grief and deep regret
of sanguine prayer’s – a silhouette.

Enjoyed the introduction of the raven for it's symbolism in the closing too!

Well done Cathy!
~Cleo