THINKING OF YOU, A poem of reflection...... Options

[Guest_the_ghost_of_tom_joad_*]

 My passions now soggy with your memory,
     Like formless tides wash over me;
         Pass over like ghosts,
   Carried along by an acorn wind,
And remind me of what I mistakenly once was.

         Now weeping inside of my own skin,
  In the shallow solitude of my darkened room,
            In the blankets of sleep,
    Where rain-shaken dreams play on and on,
             I will be thinking of you.

       And someday, maybe you will know;
            Maybe you will remember me,
  Maybe you will find me sleeping in the snow,
       For wherever I am and whatever I may do,
      I will always and forever be thinking of you.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello GTJ!

WOW! I sense a great emotional loss in this one.  

There are some places that rhyme and others that do not, so I'm not quite sure if that's your intent? I also see some repetition in your word choices (again, this perhaps is by choice)? Please take or toss anything I offer.

Regards,
Cleo


My passions now soggy with your memory,
    Like formless tides wash over me;
        Pass over like ghosts,
  Carried along by an acorn wind,
And remind me of what I mistakenly once was.


My passion's sodden with your memory,
  where formless tides wash over me;
  Passing over like ghosts,
  carried along by an acorn wind,
  reminding me of what I once was.

        Now weeping inside of my own skin,
 In the shallow solitude of my darkened room,
           In the blankets of sleep,
   Where rain-shaken dreams play on and on,
            I will be thinking of you.

I weep inside of my own skin
 in the shallow solitude of darkness;
 blankets of sleep find rain-shaken
 dreams playing on and on.

 I think of you.

      And someday, maybe you will know;
           Maybe you will remember me,
 Maybe you will find me sleeping in the snow,
      For wherever I am and whatever I may do,
     I will always and forever be thinking of you.

Someday, maybe you will know;
  perhaps you'll remember me.
  Maybe you'll find me sleeping in snow?

  Wherever I am and whatever I may do,
  I will always and forever be thinking of you.