Hope's Slope, From Flash No.52 Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hope's Slope


On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way
through powdered paradise,
gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth.

Cutting fresh tracks, we

slow

the

pace

down …

just long enough to enjoy
Nan’s lunch at her “Heavenly Hut”
high in the clouds.

We can almost touch

His

nebulosity

overhead --

embracing the might of this
wondrous slope before us.

Lofty, emerald pines shroud the
terrain just out of reach, the city beyond --
we realize time’s passing and tepidly

wave

goodbye.

Humbly trodden paths
of this fantastic forest
reveal the way home;
we compliment sun’s

descent

toward

dusk.

Jamie slides to an abrupt stop:
ski shop owner Hope lays injured…

“Just - one - slalom…
Rescue? Ski Patrol?” her words
barely audible,

trail off.

“Once - a long time ago, friend.”
Their eyes say so much more.

I wend my way through
powder’s hell-fire,
hoping upon life’s hands
I make it back before

Hope

and

time

surrender.

Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter

[Ephiny]

Hi Lori,

I always love a poem that tells a story as well and yet still remains a poem..this is terrific and I really liked your structure as well, the winding of words down a slope..just like the characters..the descriptions really set the scene

On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way
through powdered paradise,
gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth. I wonder about "glistening" instead of gleaming, like the sun on particles of snow?? Though gleaming works well also..

Love "sun's descent towards dusk" and the shape of that line also

The description of the finding the injured woman and "their eyes say so much more" is great and leaves the reader wanting to know more..always a great place to finish. And the finish line and play on the word "hope" is marvellous as well...a tense moment, full of mystery of the relationship between Jamie and Hope..I saw that this is from a Flash writing..wow!! Great job!

Lucie

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Lori,

I always love a poem that tells a story as well and yet still remains a poem..this is terrific and I really liked your structure as well, the winding of words down a slope..just like the characters..the descriptions really set the scene

On Hope’s Peak, we wend our way
through powdered paradise,
gleaming smiles in sun’s warmth. I wonder about "glistening" instead of gleaming, like the sun on particles of snow?? Though gleaming works well also..

Love "sun's descent towards dusk" and the shape of that line also

The description of the finding the injured woman and "their eyes say so much more" is great and leaves the reader wanting to know more..always a great place to finish. And the finish line and play on the word "hope" is marvellous as well...a tense moment, full of mystery of the relationship between Jamie and Hope..I saw that this is from a Flash writing..wow!! Great job!

Lucie

Hi Lucie.

Thanks - I couldn't put myself in R&M mode the other day when I read the flash stimulus so I went with a story and then tried to make it fv (I don't know that I succeeded though, other than to make the prose shaped, LOL)!

Yes, I thought of glistening too but it this context above, I was going for more of a 'gleaming smile' and the duality of sun's gleam. I wasn't sure that 'glistening' would trigger both meanings as easily?

Yes, I didn't want to have an ending - perhaps I'll write a part 2 next - I wanted this to be left open but not sure if readers will like that?

Thanks for stopping in Lucie!
~Cleo