 LAST LETTER, Wizard Award |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
  Sep 19 06, 12:41
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 11,085 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting  |
 Thank you, everyone, for your invaluable assistance and ideas!! The change is rather big, so I'm open to more crits!!! REVISION LAST LETTER A groom unnerved, wondering whether his bride will show up at church… expectant Dad pacing corridors, waiting for Baby to be born… committing a murder, accepting God’s salvation of his soul is improbable… a grown man’s hope that dawn will dispel night terror… in Death Row, anticipating the governor’s reprieve on the eve of execution… Unforgiving, time has revealed certainty: I know you’ve penned me …your last letter. By Psyche Copyright: Sylvia Maclagan, Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2006. THE LETTER It’s like a groom sweating before his bride shows up at church. It’s like anticipating the governor’s reprieve on the eve of execution. It’s like committing a wrong, praying for God’s salvation of your soul. It’s like striding up and down, waiting for a baby to be born. It’s like a grown man’s hope that dawn will dispel night’s terrors. It’s the love letter you’ll never send me… By Psyche Copyright:Sylvia Maclagan, Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2006. ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
  
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Oct 5 06, 13:30
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 883 Joined: 2-January 06 From: Washington State USA Member No.: 145 Writer of: Poetry |
well Syl
I may be the lone dissenter See all the stanzas talk about waiting, anticipation. Some for things that will come some for things that might not. Irrevocably just does not make sense to me I like the reformatting in the poem though, but the last strophe feels too tidy for me, like it is all wrapped up and put to bed. Don't know if I am making any sense, but it seems to have lost some of the true feeling in it that it had when you wrote it way back when. Just my opinion though so.... Cyn ······· ······· |
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Oct 10 06, 13:05
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 11,085 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Thank goodness for dissenters, Cyn! Without your sort, everything would be so flat, so boring...
 So "irrevocably" should disappear? I certainly don't want my poem all wrapped up and put to bed...LOL... So I shall think about that last stanza in my next revision. Liz has also given me some good ideas, so I have much homework to do...  Thank you, Cyn, for coming back, hugs, Syl  QUOTE (Cyn @ Oct 5 06, 20:30 ) [snapback]84604[/snapback] well Syl
I may be the lone dissenter See all the stanzas talk about waiting, anticipation. Some for things that will come some for things that might not. Irrevocably just does not make sense to me I like the reformatting in the poem though, but the last strophe feels too tidy for me, like it is all wrapped up and put to bed. Don't know if I am making any sense, but it seems to have lost some of the true feeling in it that it had when you wrote it way back when. Just my opinion though so.... Cyn ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Posts in this topic
Psyche LAST LETTER Sep 19 06, 12:41 
Peggy Carpenter Harwood Hi Psyche,
I'm not good at critiquing free ve... Sep 19 06, 14:13 
Psyche QUOTE (Peggy Carpenter Harwood @ Sep 19 06, 2... Sep 19 06, 17:12 Cyn Ah Sylvia
Such a feeling write
I love the sentime... Sep 19 06, 16:39 Psyche Hi Cyn !
You know, thanks to your suggestion, ... Sep 19 06, 17:16 Cathy Hi Sylvia!
Cyn's suggestions for the firs... Sep 19 06, 18:45 Psyche Hi Cathy!
Wonderful suggestions, thank you... Sep 20 06, 14:25 Gregory Sylvia, I agree with your previous posts about the... Sep 20 06, 05:09 Psyche Hi Gregory !
Yes, the modifications sound ... Sep 20 06, 14:28 azurepoetry Hi Sylvia,
i love Cathy's trimming of your pi... Sep 20 06, 09:43 Psyche Hi Tim !
I'll confess to you, and you ... Sep 20 06, 14:39 azurepoetry Sylvia,
No, no. i meant my rearraingment was corn... Sep 20 06, 14:41 Psyche QUOTE (azurepoetry @ Sep 20 06, 21:41 ) 8... Sep 20 06, 14:47 azurepoetry Sylvia,
Sorry, i responded so quickly to your com... Sep 20 06, 14:49 Psyche Great, Tim! Asking questions is the best way t... Sep 20 06, 15:20 azurepoetry Sylvia,
It's not necessary to have cohesion a... Sep 20 06, 16:16 Psyche QUOTE (azurepoetry @ Sep 20 06, 23:16 ) 8... Sep 24 06, 10:49 ohsteve Sylvia.. I have read this piece now four times, an... Sep 21 06, 12:46 Psyche QUOTE (ohsteve @ Sep 21 06, 19:46 ) 83806... Sep 24 06, 10:45 Cleo_Serapis Hi Sylvia.
Apologies if I repeat anything as I ha... Sep 24 06, 12:06 Psyche QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Sep 24 06, 19:06 ) ... Sep 24 06, 13:16 Psyche Hi Cleo, Tim, Steve, Cathy, Peggy and everyone who... Sep 26 06, 10:21 Cathy Hi Sylvia,
At first I wasn't sure if I liked ... Oct 4 06, 09:24 Psyche QUOTE (Cathy @ Oct 4 06, 16:24 ) 84504Hi ... Oct 4 06, 10:49 JustDaniel I've read this over and over, and then read ot... Oct 4 06, 11:37 Psyche Hey Daniel!
You've made me laugh outri... Oct 4 06, 12:34 JustDaniel Hey, Sylvia!
Don't even be thinkin' o... Oct 4 06, 13:14 Psyche Right, Daniel, I get your point... There will b... Oct 4 06, 18:03 Cleo_Serapis Hi Sylvia.
I really find your revised ending:
... Oct 4 06, 18:58 Psyche Oh, Cleo, I'm so relieved you like the revisio... Oct 10 06, 12:40 AMETHYST Hi Sylvia,
I cannot believe this slipped by me a... Oct 5 06, 11:19 Psyche Hi Liz!
I'm very glad you've dropp... Oct 10 06, 12:57 jgdittier Dear Psyche,
I'm only exploring, but this, my ... Oct 10 06, 09:27 Psyche QUOTE (jgdittier @ Oct 10 06, 16:27 ) 848... Oct 10 06, 13:00 Psyche Thank you all for your help with this difficult on... Oct 12 06, 09:43 Cleo_Serapis Congrats Sylvia on your wizard award winning tile!... Jan 28 07, 16:13 Cathy Congratulations on your Wizard Award Sylvia!
... Jan 28 07, 19:18 Psyche Hi Cleo & Cathy!
Ooooooooo, what an un... Jan 29 07, 12:35 azurepoetry Hey there Sylvia,
A belated congrats on your awar... Mar 4 07, 00:54 Siren Hey Sylvia,
Congrats on the award. Really a deser... Mar 4 07, 11:06 Psyche Hi Dani & Tim!
Thanks so much for your co... Mar 7 07, 13:58 AMETHYST Congrats Sylvia ...
This is nearing it's high po... Mar 8 07, 01:15 130 User(s) are reading this topic (130 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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