LAST LETTER, Wizard Award Options

[Psyche]

Thank you, everyone, for your invaluable assistance and ideas!!
The change is rather big, so I'm open to more crits!!!


REVISION


LAST LETTER

A groom unnerved,
wondering whether his bride will show up
at church…

expectant Dad pacing corridors,
waiting for Baby
to be born…

committing a murder,
accepting God’s salvation of his soul
is improbable…

a grown man’s hope
that dawn will dispel
night terror…

in Death Row,
anticipating the governor’s reprieve
on the eve of execution…

Unforgiving,
time has revealed certainty:
I know you’ve penned me
…your last letter.

By Psyche

Copyright: Sylvia Maclagan, Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2006.



THE LETTER

It’s like
a groom sweating
before his bride shows up
at church.

It’s like
anticipating the governor’s reprieve
on the eve
of execution.

It’s like
committing a wrong,
praying for God’s salvation
of your soul.

It’s like
striding up and down,
waiting for a baby
to be born.

It’s like
a grown man’s hope
that dawn will dispel
night’s terrors.

It’s the love letter
you’ll never send me…

By Psyche

Copyright:Sylvia Maclagan, Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2006.

[azurepoetry]

Sylvia,

Sorry, i responded so quickly to your comment about 'corny' that i didn't finish reading your questions. i am going to be rude and answer your question with a question.
What do all of these stanzas have to do with not receiving a love letter?
i took this poem to be a metaphorical/futuristic look at a relationship and what could be between the N and the one she adores. The S2-3 (in the rewrite i created, sorry again) were pretty straight-forward, while the next three seemed to be move into a much more metaphorical transition about the stay of execution, looking for salvation and night terrors. My orgainzational side stepped in and looked for a sense of order or timeline that would serve as a cohesive meaning to each stanza's image offering.
Re: the revised ending. i was trying to use your words to allude to the loneliness he would be feeling, that by snubbing the N, he was 'killing' love or love's potentiality and that his stay of execution, his salvation, his release from loneliness, etc. would be in writing the letter.
That may not quite work as written, but now you see where i was going with it.

~tim