Soul Bouquet (Revised 27 Aug), Quatern & new title Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Some of you will remember this tribute poem to a dear friend of ours who passed away last year (hard to believe it's been almost a year).

Putting those tears aside, I am hoping to polish this poem as a tribute to those who move to another place.
Your comments are appreciated.

Revision 1 - thanks everyone

Soul Bouquet

I’m saddened that you went away
to travel unknown paths to where
no more a puzzle: heart’s held sway;
you’ll join your loved ones waiting there.

Instead of being mad at Him -
I’m saddened that you went away
through valleys steeped in God’s own trim;
you’ve left this life a soul bouquet.

When I go limping through the days
with thoughts of you, I’ll shed a tear…
I’m saddened that you went away,
foundations forged with loving care.

The contours of your gentle smile,
the mounds of things I’d hoped to say.
The words you’ve left; a friend worthwhile…
I’m saddened that you went away.

Copyright © 2006 Lorraine M Kanter


On Your Way (Original)

I’m saddened you went on your way
to travel to a dwelling where
no more a puzzle; heart’s held sway;
you’ll join your loved ones waiting there.

Instead of being mad at Him -
I’m saddened you went on your way,
through valleys steeped in divine trim;
you’ve left these woods a soul bouquet.

When I go limping through the days
with thoughts of you, I’ll shed a tear…
I’m saddened you went on your way,
foundations forged with tender prayer.

The contours of your gentle smile.
The mounds of things I’d hope to say.
The words you’ve left; a friend worthwhile…
I’m saddened you went on your way.

Copyright © 2006 Lorraine M Kanter

[JustDaniel]

Yes, I miss Larry too, Lori. Last year we had missed our annual get-together at the shore in Central Jersey, which we'd done two years in a row, that last time writing a poem together which I think we shared in MM ? Anyhow, I long regretted our not meeting up that spring... and Del was planning to come out to visit us that year as well. What a jolt the departure of those two was! Thank you again so much for re-posting this.

Re the 'iambic' pattern, YES, the way that you here it is indeed iambic, and of course it CAN be read that way... but I think that if you had not been the writer, you probably wouldn't do so, since I don't think that it is natural speech to read it that way in that particular line. I think you'll note that Cathy's suggestion is probably better than mine, but that it also is 'natural' speech.

Not trying to lobby at all, since the READING of it exactly as you have it would be wonderful; but an unfamiliar reader may not read it that way, and would likely stumble. Of course many would not... especially persons who are used to reading only free verse.

Maybe it's a curse on me ? B)

deLighting to share, Daniel

[Cleo_Serapis]

Yes, I miss Larry too, Lori. Last year we had missed our annual get-together at the shore in Central Jersey, which we'd done two years in a row, that last time writing a poem together which I think we shared in MM ? Anyhow, I long regretted our not meeting up that spring... and Del was planning to come out to visit us that year as well. What a jolt the departure of those two was! Thank you again so much for re-posting this.

Hi Daniel.

Yes, there is a poem here about your 'shore' visit together, it is a nice one too. I think it's a sonnet? I am so glad Peter and I met Larry last summer as it was only a short time later that he passed away. A sad, devastating departure - absolutely.

Re the 'iambic' pattern, YES, the way that you here it is indeed iambic, and of course it CAN be read that way... but I think that if you had not been the writer, you probably wouldn't do so, since I don't think that it is natural speech to read it that way in that particular line. I think you'll note that Cathy's suggestion is probably better than mine, but that it also is 'natural' speech.

Not trying to lobby at all, since the READING of it exactly as you have it would be wonderful; but an unfamiliar reader may not read it that way, and would likely stumble. Of course many would not... especially persons who are used to reading only free verse.

Maybe it's a curse on me ? B)

deLighting to share, Daniel

I wasn't trying to write in a metered pattern and I'll need to think further on the suggestions received thus far. I think however a person reads this is what they will take from it - hopefully as loving tribute with a personal message tucked inside the refrain.

More time for pondering I must do....
Cheers
~Cleo