Critiquer of the Month, June Noms, Cast your nom by August 26th Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Calling all writers of the Mosaic!

We've fallen behind again with these monthly nominations - so sorry all! If anyone would like me to go back and do one for March, April and May, please DO let me know.


The time has come to nominate a member who you feel best demonstrated the CRITIQUE in JUNE.



Nominate a member here by replying to this tile.

The award:
*Laurel Wreath

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

The details:

• Choose at least TWO posts critiqued by the member you'd like to nominate from the month of JUNE. *You can do this by utilizing our 'sort by topic started' OR last post date' and 'descending sort' functions located at the bottom of each forum's page display and then look to make sure the critique replies were made in June as well.
• Post the two examples in this thread.
• Post only the CRITIQUES.
• Make sure your examples are from the month of JUNE.
• State the tile's name, author and forum the critique was replied to.
• Eligible forums:
  Herme's Homilies and Seren's Synapse for poetry COM nominations
  Stonehenge and Loch Ness for Prose COM nominations

Nominations will be taken through August 26th, 2006.

Additional note: If more than one member is nominated for the COM award, this tile will serve as a balloting process. We will create a POLL and the members will vote the winner.

Good luck all!
Thank you for helping to build the Mosaic!

~ Mosaic Musings Staff

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I would like to nominate Amethyst for COM. Here are a couple of examples...

In response to Cathy's 'Brainstorm'...

Hi Cathy,

As Jackie mentioned... Brilliant work. The inner rhymes through out are delicious. Especially in the first stanza, I felt that the alternating rhymes from line to line really enhance the pleasure to read this aloud...
the sounds partnerships between .... creative/alliterate delight/incite and the alliterative rhymes that are placed just perfectly, close enough to bounce off of one another such as mist/mind but at a distance to allow their differences work individually.
Some further thoughts to follow... I do think this is ripe and almost to full growth with a pleasing theme, imagery and sounds that bring enjoyment to the read...and improve on the poetic form.

Lovely work!

Hugs, Liz

QUOTE

Brainstorm

Blow away the mist,
release creative flow;
alliterate to your delight,
incite your mind to grow.

Lovely rhymes through out... nice steady flow and steady content... Not a nit...

Never shirk instruction's path,
seek not the writer's block;
tarry not uncertainly
or taint inventive stock.

L3, feels awkward, perhaps ... to tarry not uncertainty

Rejoice in ingenuity,
merging words to high degree.

merge my words to high degree.


Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright June2006



In response to Don's 'Smile Of Guile'...

Hi Don,

This is surely a smile with words... I liked the title. So fitting to the meaning of the poem, and the slightly off centered theme.

I will focus my comments on the 2nd draft... I like the improvements made and hopefully, I will be able to touch on something valuable.


QUOTE

Smile of Guile
(version 02)

An alligator’s toothy smile,
like crocodile of equal guile,
awaits unwary meal in style
while basking on the beach awhile.

First, let me commend you on the tight and fresh end rhymes. smile/guile/style/while... all very strong and fitting to both meaning and rhythm. Another aspect of this that pleases me is the alliteration and inner rhymes that blend the sonics like a song.

The only line that sticks out to my ear, which I cannot really pin point the reason is L4. I love the union of basking/beach-but I guess I see alligators/crocodiles on banks of canals, swamps and other murky, muddy waterways...

However, I think etching in such a view wouldn't be as strong or as pleasant as the beach.
So at this time, untill I figure out what it is that is itching my brain!



A quarry swoops to stand on sand
and spread her plumage gala grand
while seeking fish in stream she scanned,

as prey for toothy smile — unplanned.

I learned a new use of the quarry. Thank you. I will most likely find a way to make use of that. I love this ending stanza. No nits. Hugs, Liz

© 2005, D.E. Holmes
January 25





I am sorry I couldn't be too helpful. But your revisions are strong and easy to the ear. I also, note that the skill that makes each image soar like the 'quarry' of our muse!

Best Wishes, Liz