Unpardoned Options

[Arnfinn]

Unpardoned

He sways beside me, tattered brown fingers clawing, slapping and shaking—
a cruciform figure in dark shadows.
He stops… sighs… then turns— hooked thorns suckle strained sinews.
‘ Here accept the sword of absit omen, you must venture on—
go slay your demons.’

A standstill.
Tall gray torsos, stout roots underneath.
Old growth, defused light, black nefarious impediments.
The girth of lost days.
Each sword stoke— a hollow ring…no echo…no echoes.
Enough—we must return to the sunlight.





John Macleod copyright Ó 18th March 2006

[Arnfinn]

Hi Lori,


n interesting tale of old! gimli.gif

I've only noted a change in your stanza structure (very much in line with Nina) and a couple of word deletions in { }.

Enjoyed this one! Glad to see you back!
~Cleo mm.gif mm.gif

Thank You, I can sit upright now... so I'm back here again.



He sways beside me,
tattered brown fingers clawing,
slapping and shaking—
a cruciform figure in dark shadows. (Nice creepy opening)

He stops… sighs… then turns—
hooked thorns suckle strained sinews. (excellent word choices)
‘ Here accept the sword of absit omen,
you must venture on—
go slay your demons.’

A standstill.

Tall gray torsos, stout roots underneath.
Old growth,
defused light,
black nefarious impediments.
The girth of lost days.

Each sword stoke—
a hollow ring…{no echo…}no echoes.

Enough—
we must return to {the} sunlight.


I was going to leave the form, more or less, as is-a ramble. Now I've changed my mind, your reconstruction of of the stanzas are better. The poem is easier to read and I think using 'A standstill' as a one line statement looks great.



John