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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
 Jun 4 06, 07:05
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry  |
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He sways beside me, tattered brown fingers clawing, slapping and shaking— a cruciform figure in dark shadows. He stops… sighs… then turns— hooked thorns suckle strained sinews. ‘ Here accept the sword of absit omen, you must venture on— go slay your demons.’ A standstill. Tall gray torsos, stout roots underneath. Old growth, defused light, black nefarious impediments. The girth of lost days. Each sword stoke— a hollow ring…no echo…no echoes. Enough—we must return to the sunlight. John Macleod copyright Ó 18th March 2006 ·······  ·······Arnfinn
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Jun 5 06, 02:56
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
G'day cobber,
 Strewth mate! I bin goin' round in circles trying ter figure it out! Now you've explained it to Nina it's blindingly obvious innit?  Mind if I suggest that you change the first line to help all the bemused,(like me) ter figure her out Arn?) He sways beside me, tattered brown fingers clawing, slapping and shaking Conscience sways beside me, tattered brown fingers clawing, slapping and shaking— A standstill. An impasse? Tall gray torsos, stout roots underneath. Old growth, defused light, black nefarious impediments. Diffused light Arn? Love the last three words!! The girth of lost days. Each sword stoke— a hollow ring…no echo…no echoes. sword stroke? Yeah, quite true blue. Few cliches here for yer.. No goin' back is there? All water under the bridge. All part of life rich tapestry. No use cryin' over spilt milk etc. etc.  Sun's out here mate. Off walkabaout. Catch you later cobber. 
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Grace  http://mysite.orange.co.uk/graceingreece Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Nominate a tile for the Crown Jewels and Faery Awards today! For details, go to the Valley of the Kings! MM Award Winner       |
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Jun 5 06, 05:03
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#3
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry |
QUOTE(Cybele @ Jun 5 06, 07:56 ) [snapback]76608[/snapback] G'day cobber, Strewth mate! I bin goin' round in circles trying ter figure it out! Now you've explained it to Nina it's blindingly obvious innit? Mind if I suggest that you change the first line to help all the bemused,(like me) ter figure her out Arn?) He sways beside me, tattered brown fingers clawing, slapping and shaking Conscience sways beside me, tattered brown fingers clawing, slapping and shaking— A standstill. An impasse? Tall gray torsos, stout roots underneath. Old growth, defused light, black nefarious impediments. Diffused light Arn? Love the last three words!! The girth of lost days. Each sword stoke— a hollow ring…no echo…no echoes. sword stroke? Yeah, quite true blue. Few cliches here for yer.. No goin' back is there? All water under the bridge. All part of life rich tapestry. No use cryin' over spilt milk etc. etc. Sun's out here mate. Off walkabaout. Catch you later cobber. Ya on the ball Cobah, Don't pussyfoot around (sorry Lil) Spill ya guts out, dont disguise me old conscience, put the bugger in me poem   Bring everything and I mean everything into the open. Me not-so-old pommie belle ya got ta belch out the boeotian. Put ya cards on the table  Nah, I'm not acrying into me Fosters, but this does happen...I get these recriminations, I wish I had done things so much better. Ya Know what I mean Grace, ya doo things when ya young that ya never can undo.  A sorta outing of the badness   He that lives by thunder has committed a blunder He that life's a rainbow Is canonized in apropos. The moral to me poem is: as ya travel the highways and byways of life, don't be bad or ya end up in strife.  By the way ya made a lot of sensible changes and I'm going to use some in my revision.  Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood on ya PAAAAAAAAAAAAL.  YMBP...FFFFFFFFFFFFom DU.  jOHN   
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Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Posts in this topic
Arnfinn Unpardoned Jun 4 06, 07:05 
Nina Hi John
An intriguing poem though I feel I'm ... Jun 4 06, 16:24 
Arnfinn QUOTE(Nina @ Jun 4 06, 21:24 ) 76566Hi Jo... Jun 5 06, 01:02 Cybele Me again Arn!
QUOTEDon't pussyfoot a... Jun 5 06, 06:59 Arnfinn QUOTE(Cybele @ Jun 5 06, 11:59 ) 76612Me ... Jun 6 06, 07:42 Cybele Watcha Arniiiiieee
Hey Grace ya getting into t... Jun 6 06, 08:39 Psyche Hi John !
Having trouble with yer conscien... Jun 6 06, 12:35 Cleo_Serapis Hi John.
An interesting tale of old!
I've onl... Jun 11 06, 13:43 Arnfinn Watcha Arniiiiieee
Hey Grace ya getting into this... Jun 12 06, 05:06 Cybele QUOTEmen- the darkest shade of eyeshadow (Titian B... Jun 12 06, 05:25 Arnfinn Hi Sylvia,
Hi John ! oops.gif
Having trouble... Jun 12 06, 05:31 Arnfinn Hi Lori,
n interesting tale of old! gimli... Jun 12 06, 05:51 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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