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The Horsecar, Trois-par-Huit (Part 2 of Hepta Crown) |
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Sep 8 05, 05:31
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Mosaic Master

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep

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Hi all.
A little tidbit first: I'm working on the Hepta Crown Challenge (in the Acropolis) and I've chosen the topic below. May as well put it in for critique. The Trois-par-Huit's rules are: Three stanzas of 3, 3, 2 OR 3, 2, 3: 8 lines in total with a syllable count of 3, 6, 9, 12, 12, 9, 6, 3. The rhyming pattern is AAB BBC CC where the last line is the title of the poem and summarizes the meaning of the poem.
Part II of Public Transportation in America (1850s)
The Horsecar
Thoroughfares, welcomed these cheaper fares with capacity more than double.
Twice the speed on friction-less railed pavement stubble forces Omnibus to secondary trouble...
with its inside room, better by far; and ridership on par… The Horsecar
© Lorraine M Kanter 27 Aug 2005
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner 
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Replies
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Sep 8 05, 17:54
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Mosaic Master

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep

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Hi James, John, Liz and Cathy! 
You've convinced me! I am going to re-write part 1 and part 2 in a different form.
I might post them as new topics and lock this one and the other one when I do as well and just put the link to ther replacement poems in them.
Hold off please on any further crits!
Thanks so much! Back in a few days I hope..
~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner 
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Posts in this topic
Cleo_Serapis The Horsecar Sep 8 05, 05:31 Jox Hi Lori,
Interesting piece... a couple of problem... Sep 8 05, 05:53 JLY Lori,
I find this format to be too cumbersome and ... Sep 8 05, 06:04 AMETHYST Hi Lori,
I have to agree that the form (although... Sep 8 05, 10:27 Cathy Hi Lori,
You know I love this form but I think in... Sep 8 05, 13:03 Jox Lori - Good luck (I know re-writes aren't easy... Sep 8 05, 18:03
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