 The Horsecar, Trois-par-Huit (Part 2 of Hepta Crown) |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
 Sep 8 05, 05:31
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Hi all.
 A little tidbit first: I'm working on the Hepta Crown Challenge (in the Acropolis) and I've chosen the topic below. May as well put it in for critique. The Trois-par-Huit's rules are: Three stanzas of 3, 3, 2 OR 3, 2, 3: 8 lines in total with a syllable count of 3, 6, 9, 12, 12, 9, 6, 3. The rhyming pattern is AAB BBC CC where the last line is the title of the poem and summarizes the meaning of the poem. Part II of Public Transportation in America (1850s)
The Horsecar Thoroughfares, welcomed these cheaper fares with capacity more than double. Twice the speed on friction-less railed pavement stubble forces Omnibus to secondary trouble... with its inside room, better by far; and ridership on par… The Horsecar © Lorraine M Kanter 27 Aug 2005 ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Sep 8 05, 13:03
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Hi Lori,
You know I love this form but I think in this case it's too restrictive. I've been trying to think of a way to reword some of it but haven't come up with anything yet. The rhyme feels unnatural, almost forced. Sorry! Just my opinion though. What is "railed pavement"? Sounds like railroad tracks. I also don't understand what you're getting at with "ridership on par". I haven't had much sleep so maybe I'm missing something. Shock If I come up with something I will be back! Cathy :cowboy: |
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Posts in this topic
Cleo_Serapis The Horsecar Sep 8 05, 05:31 
Jox Hi Lori,
Interesting piece... a couple of problem... Sep 8 05, 05:53 JLY Lori,
I find this format to be too cumbersome and ... Sep 8 05, 06:04 AMETHYST Hi Lori,
I have to agree that the form (although... Sep 8 05, 10:27 Cleo_Serapis Hi James, John, Liz and Cathy!
You've convinced ... Sep 8 05, 17:54 
Jox Lori - Good luck (I know re-writes aren't easy... Sep 8 05, 18:03 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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