Cryptic Chrysalis, Revised 01 May ~ thanks Liz! Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Cryptic Chrysalis


Days are made longer
by a longing to belong...


Dusk turns detestable
in shadowy guise,
left to rot in a cryptic
chrysalis...


Out of the wakening
an epiphanous light
proffers in kind;


wings widen
to nurture faculties
unfocused…


only to be
traumatized by truth
veiled in fallacious vows.

© 2005 Lorraine M Kanter

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Lori,

This is more an appreciation, than a crit. The poem, itself, is generally very well written, I’m afraid.

I sadly note the blue non-smiley which accompanies this mournful piece.

Cryptic Chysalis

The title is very clever but also underlines the sadness. What is emerging? What is happening? What is being given birth to? If only we could work it out.

Spelling error on “chrysalis”? Or just the usual UK/ USA thing?

Days are made longer
by a longing to belong...

Adults do not really exist; we’re all really just grown children. Your first two lines emphasise that. I remember I had those feelings throughout my childhood and it must be horrid to have them as an adult. We suffer every bit as much - but people listen less, expect more and try to help less hard.

(Crit point: Just to confuse you, I'll disagree with Alan and Nina (sorry!); I think the first "couplet" is very powerful as it is. It moved me, certainly).

At this time of year, those of us in the northern hemisphere are looking forward to longer days. However, your poem turns that on its head. The days’ lengths are painfully stretched by that “longing to belong.” One can feel the sadness and pain.

Dusk turns abhorrent
in shadowy guise,
left to rot in a cryptic
chrysalis...

The second verse not only gives us no relief; it exacerbates matters. The uncomfortably long days are ended with horrid night-fall. No let-up; no relief.  Again we’re back to wondering what terrors; what new depressions; what more tortures etc the pregnant chrysalis enfolds.

Out of the wakening
an epiphanous light
proffers in kind;

I don’t think “epiphanous” is a word - or was one! However, I take it to mean some sudden realisation of something - something has dawned on the narrator - which ties-in with the breaking daylight at dawn. Very clever.

wings widen
to nurture faculties
unfocused…

Well, at least in these two verses, we have some hope. Also, excellent keeping-up with the chrysalis metaphor.

only to be
traumatized by
realism veiled
in fallacious vows.

Though this final verse is when I think, in America, you’d call “a real downer.” This is the saddest verse of all in some ways, because hope did seem to be flourishing. That has been snuffed-out by lies and false promises. Still, trauma is not death and people do recover. The way to do that is to stand back for a while and look and think - but also to look sideways. Stop looking down the same tunnel of despair. Think of the miserable messages as being delivered from a megaphone.  Instead, think surround sound - all the various off-centre good noises that are there to enjoy - and to go towards. One doesn’t hear them until one stops listening to the narrow negativities. I know, I really do. When these other sounds are heard, one must open ones eyes and a different set of vistas is there. Unexpected, maybe unwanted at one time - but available now and with lots of interesting possibilities.

Remember, when the miserable chrysalis is escaped from and the butterfly dries-out, it can majestically soar happily to pastures new.

Thank you for this.... I hope that one day, not too far off, you are able to add another verse, as the butterfly does take flight (again).

J.