Western Justice - an exercise in meter, submitted and written by John Baker Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello all!  

Recently, our own jgdittier (Ron), emailed me the following exercise written in four versions of meter by John Baker (jtb). As Ron says, "For those members here who haven’t mastered metre, John T. Baker, a master of light verse (and serious poetry when he feels it) has written a humorous piece in 4 variations, each using a different foot. I know no way to make cadence more easily understood or palatable than his versions."

Before I post each version, kindly forwarded to me by both Ron and John Baker (our own jtb), I'd like to define each version of meter (the organized rhythmic characteristic of verse; the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables in a line)  John has demonstrated in his poems.

• The first is iambic meter: An end-stressed two syllable foot e.g. from In Memoriam by Lord Tennyson
  
  I DREAMED | there WOULD| be SPRING | no MORE
  
  and from the opening line of John Keats' Ode to a Nightingale:
  
  a DROW | -sy NUMB | -ness PAINS.
  
  
  
• The second is anapestic meter: An end-stressed three syllable foot e.g. The Destruction of the Sennacherib by Byron:
  
  And the SHEEN | of their SPEARS | was like STARS | on the SEA
  
  and from the opening line of William Cowper's Verses Supposed to be Written by Alexander Selkirk:
  
  I am MON | -arch of ALL | I sur-VEY.
  
  
  
• The third is trochaic meter: A front-stressed two syllable foot e.g. The Song of Hiawatha by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:
  
  BY the  | SHORES of | GIT chee | GUMee
  
  and from the opening line of Poe's The Raven:
  
  ONCE up- | ON a | MID-night | DREAR-y, | WHILE I | PON-dered, | WEAK and | WEAR-y.
  
  
  
• The fourth and last metrical example is dactylic meter: A front-stressed three syllable foot e.g. The Lost Leader by Robert Browning:
  
  WE that had | LOVED him so, | FOLlowed him | HONoured him.
  
  and from Byron's The Bride of Abydos:
  
  KNOW ye the | LAND where the | CY-press and | MYR-tle.

Now - onto John Baker's poems (with permission)...  

John writes: "I recently heard a joke, decided to versify it and did so. Not once but four times.  One version is iambic, the next, predominantly anapestic, the next, trochaic and the last, dactylic."



Western Justice (iambic)

A courtroom in a western town
was filled when Hank O'Toole,
a popular cowhand, was charged
with stealing Murphy's mule.

The jury heard the evidence,
retired, then found O'Toole
not guilty of the charge if he
would just give back the mule.

The judge demurred, "Your finding is
improper; you must rule
on whether this defendant did
or did not steal that mule."

The jury left but soon returned;
the verdict of the pool:
"We find that Hank is innocent -
and he can keep the mule."  



Western Justice (anapestic)

The courtroom was filled in a small western town
on the day that they tried Hank O'Toole,    
a popular rancher who just had been charged
with the theft of his neighbor's prize mule.

After all of the evidence there had been heard,
then the jury decided O'Toole      
was not guilty provided the rancher would now
go ahead and give back the old mule.

The audience cheered but the judge gave a frown,
"That's not proper, you really must rule
on his guilt or his innocence; did he or not
as a matter of law steal that mule?"

The jury retired but was soon back in court
and the judge had to poll the whole pool:
"We find the defendant is innocent, Sir;
furthermore he should keep the damn mule."



Western Justice  (trochaic)

Hank O'Toole was popular but
charged one day with stealing
Murphy's mule; the courtroom filled with
sympathetic feeling.

When the jury said, "Not Guilty,
if he'll just return it,"
cheers rang out but soon were silenced
when the judge said, "Durn it!"

"That won't do, you must decide if
Hank there stole the critter."
So the jury met again, then
made the courtroom titter.

"No!" they ruled, "and furthermore" - they
trotted out a whopper -
"Hank should get to keep the mule, we
think that's only proper!"



Western Justice (dactylic)

Popular rancher, young Henry O'Toole,
being on trial for stealing a mule,
smiled when the jury came back in to say,
"Innocent - if he returns it today."

Frowning, the judge rapped his gavel hard twice,
"Ladies and gentlemen, be more precise!
Whom do you think you are trying to fool?
Did he or not really steal that old mule?"

Pouting, the jury went back to convene,
quickly they then reappeared on the scene.
"Well, we've decided - not guilty, we rule -
plus, the defendant should KEEP the damn mule!



Thanks so very much to Ron for his eye on education and to John, for his creative vision!  

~Cleo  

[JustDaniel]

Now that I've found this exercise again... Thank you James!... here is what I've come up with... a variation on a ballad that I'd written about a joke that my chiropractor friend shared with me:

iambic [ da DUM ]
Clerics’ Car

This Priest and Rabbi get along
just famously, they say.
For many years they’ve shared so much.
Great neighbors!  Then one day . . .

they jointly bought a car, to share
its use, whate’er the need.
That afternoon the Rabbi watched:
Car-dousing?!  “Why, indeed?”

“I’m blessing it,” the Priest explained.
“Ah, yes!” Old Rab approved.
Hacksaw in hand, Rab joined the Priest
and tailpipe’s end removed.

© Daniel J Ricketts 15 March, 2002

anapestic  [ ba da DUM ]
Clerics’ Car

There’s a priest and a rabbi, good friends,
often meeting together to share.
Being neighbors earned great dividends,,,
and voila… it’s an answer to prayer:

Neither one owned a car, so they bought
one together, both clerics would use.
On that cool winter day, Rabbi caught
Father dousing their car.  That’s abuse!

Rabbi thought.  “I’m just baptizing, friend.”
“Well of course,” said the Rabbi, relieved…
then with hacksaw in hand, cut the end
of its tailpipe, as each a sigh heaved.

© Daniel J Ricketts 09 April 2005

trochaic [ DUM da ]
Clerics’ Car

Jews and Cath’lics can’t cohabit,
some would say.  But I have neighbors,
Rabbi Saul and Father Babbit —
humor share in many labors.

Once, they jointly bought an auto
just so they could make their travel
easier, and who’d have thought a
ritual could thus unravel.

See, the priest baptized that Jetta —
doused their baby at a Wawa.
Rabbi did the priest one better —
trimmed its tailpipe with a hacksaw.

© Daniel J Ricketts 10 April 2005

dactylic  [ DUM ba da ]
Clerics’ Car

Rabbi and priest are such wonderful friends,
sharing a friendship as neighbors together.
Giving and taking, no need for amends,
walking each day — talked of far more than weather.

Not long ago, as they walked side by side;
both of them thought, Why don’t we buy a car;
with it we’ll labor together — just ride.
That’s what they did; it’s the way that they are.

Yesterday, Rabbi saw Priest douse their Ford;
wondering why, he asked.  “Baptizing her!”
Thinking it over, he found near accord —
hacksawed exhaust pipe. “He’ll make it for sure.”

© Daniel J Ricketts 10 April 2005