Remember the Humans [Revised 02 Jul 2012], inspired from a Pandora challenge Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Title: Remember the Humans
Author: Lorraine M Kanter
Word Count:
Date: Apr 2, 2005
Revised: 02 July 2012


“You DO know how important this mission is, Mada, don’t you?” Solon paused as he skimmed through the written recordings of all previous time portal jumps. “This last jump might be our only salvation. You must succeed.”

“Yes, Prince Solon, I do.”  Mada replied while tapping something on his personal digital assistant.  Squinting from the light of the time portal, he added, “I will do my best, sir… as always.”

Inching toward the portal, mesmerized by swirls of color, Mada touched his PDA again and vanished.

When Mada came to, the world he once knew was no more. Time was now a contradiction in terms. In his time, the liquid cold fusion required to charge the portal became such an eminent threat to the survival of the planet, that this would be his last jump.  His lingering in the void only hastened his tentative steps to find what he sought.  He glided along the overgrown countryside like a slithering snake looking for a morsel in a world where morsels didn’t exist. He had to find it!

A flicker of intense light temporarily blinded him.

It took a few moments to regain his perfect vision, even after flipping down his night vision visor. Did they see me? He wondered as he instinctively ducked low and dimmed the PDA. Salt tickled his nose as beads of sweat smeared his face and chin. He stumbled a few paces, covered his mouth as if to scream, inhaled deeply and stepped forward, closer to the patroling robots. They hadn't noticed his arrival; they were too busy torturing soon-to-be roadkill.

“Sector 8-123-659 secure. There is no one here. Shall we return to base? Triton Three-Four, over.”

Mada shifted his position lower in the overgrown thatch, given that the two enforcers stood only about 500 yards in front of his hiding place. He punched the record button and whispered, "Robotics have come so far; the enforcers look humanoid!"

The silence broke when the second enforcer replied to headquartes, "Triton Six-Three, acknowledged. Returning to base."

Beads of sweat made a channel straight to his chin, sending a welcomed chill through his body. Mada searched the word ‘TRITON’ with a trembling hand. Mere fractions of a second later, a surreal greenish fog emanated from it and floated away, toward the robots. "I hope this works." He said without conviction.

A few moments later, the extraordinary fog reached the Tritons as they turned their back to where Mada was secreted and staggered to their interceptor vehicle. Without warning, Triton Six-Three suddenly lunged at Triton Three-Four. A clanging of metal on metal followed, and then abruptly halted. Triton Six-Three had just disconnected his partner’s Unity pathway, leaving it comatose and unable to communicate with any other: TERMINATION - TRITON THREE-FOUR COMPLETE.

Achromatic colors sped past in a silhouetted apparition at a velocity exceeding human visual comprehension. However, what the human eye could not register, the PDA did. A putrid stench erupted, as flesh peeled away from Triton Three-Four's cybernetic exoskeleton. Mada stretched his neck upward just high enough to glimpse the steel towers and laser torches beyond, where his Camelot waited.

Thump. Thump. THUMP. Silence. Binary codes flashed across the sky. Mada dropped to the ground, shaking in muscular tremors. Heat seared through his consciousness, but there was no pain. Triton Six-Three had succeeded. He was resistant to Mada's flesh-eating biological weapon.

“Halt! You have been scanned. Identification please.” Triton Six-Three bellowed.

Reaching for his lifeline, Mada knew it would aid him. Sweat beaded down his brow again, stinging his eyes. He shouted, “I am not from this city. I… you… will see from my Personal Identification Chip.” He staggered and collapsed in front of the interceptor, where he glimpsed the Library of Records just beyond. Camelot does exist! “Please let me go; I mean you no harm.” He pleaded.

A labyrinth of digits flashed into the sallow sky then: reds, blues, greens and whites, each representing a unique record. Triton Six-Three froze. “You do not lie. You do not exist.”  He frisked Mada acutely, cutting him, causing blood to spew from his wrist. The Triton then instinctively licked the wound clean before Mada realized what had just happened. A sharp singe followed, cauterizing flesh. He twirled around, whisked Mada into his interceptor and froze yet again. Something did not compute.

“If you let me go, I will tell no one.” Mada lifted his weapon of choice, aimed it at the enforcer, tapped the three-digit code, G.O.D. and released. He leaned closer and peered into the Triton's black eye sockets. “I am from another time. This is why your library has no record of me, and I have just rendered YOU disconnected.”

Mada’s faith had sustained him. He believed that in spite of the robotic future, there HAD to be some humanity left. He needed to tap into it that very moment, with that very robot - his own savior. His thoughts were abruptly interrupted.  “Triton Six-Three, report to base at once, over.” The Triton did not hear the message: could not hear it.

Mada leaned fully into the Triton’s face, where he saw only blackness. “You must help me.” He squatted low and pulled a picture from his boot. Bile started to creep up and into his throat and mouth. He swallowed it back. “I need this device. You must get it for me. You know where this is.”

Triton Six-Three scanned the picture into his database - again instinctively. “I have seen this… in the old city of Jerusalem,” the robot hesitated, “What need does this serve, this… thing? Surely, it is not your PIDC?” He tossed the picture into the sky and zapped it to the Nothingness, just as his program mandated the 'No evidence' creed.

Mada toyed with his throbbing wrist wound and loosened his grip on it. I am in control of this one now, he thought. “You will not question me. Do as I ask. Do you understand?”

“I understand.”

Mada snapped to a dominant position for the first time since his arrival in this time. This hold will not last long, he feared.

They reached Camelot within the hour, obtained the Holy Chalice he needed to create a miracle and sat in the Court of the Kings of Old for a moment longer, human and robot together. “I will remember you, Triton Six-Three,” Mada hugged him close. Salty tears streamed down his face again, along with a few more drops of his blood, straight into the chalice of change. Triton Six-Three wiped them away by licking up the evidence. History was altered. “Will you remember me?”

The Triton replied, “Of course, you are my inverse. My name is Adam.”  

Remember the Humans…

Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter

This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Jul 2 12, 21:34

Reason for edit: Revision 3: 02 July 2012

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Lori...


Since you asked so flatteringly!

Here’s some suggestions for the piece as is. I’ll try to return later to suggest different ways of approach - the tell / show thing - not that I do it especially well.

Anyway, for now: Suggestions: {omit} [add] (comments) - as always, your choices.

TTFN, J.

It was their darkest hour. Actually, it was everyone’s…

“You DO know how important this mission is, Mada, don’t you?” Solon paused, heart racing, “This last jump could be our only salvation.”

“Yes, Price Solon, I do.” Mada yawned tapping on his PDA. Squinting from the light of the time portal, he added. “I will do my best, sir… as always.”

(It might be a good idea to use the full term first, followed by the abbreviation. Not everyone knows what terms mean - e.g. “PDA” (Personal Digital Assistant - an electronic notebook / diary etc. If you’d prefer not to do that, the I suggest a footnote-explanation).

Inching toward the portal, mesmerized by swirls of color, Mada touched his PDA and vanished.

When Mada came to, the world he once knew was no more. Time was not on his side (cliche) and his lingering in the void only hastened his tentative steps. He crept along the overgrown countryside like a slithering snake  (snakes don’t creep) looking for a morsel in a world where morsels didn’t exist. He had to find it!

A flicker of intense light seared his psyche.

Mada blinked and flipped down his night vision visor. Did they see me? He ducked low and dimmed his PDA. Salt tickled his tongue instantaneously. He stumbled a few paces, covered his mouth as if to scream, inhaled deeply, and stepped forward. (Don’t use commas before “and” usually)

“Sector 8-123-659 secure. There is no one here. Return to base?” Triton three-four inquired.

"Triton six-three, acknowledged. Returning to base."

(I didn’t understand the above. If T34 was on patrol then T63 should have said “Return to base.” However, if T63 were on patrol then T34 would not have said “There is no one here.” So which is on patrol and I think the words need attention).

Wiping sweat that had pooled on his chin, Mada tapped the word ‘TRITON’ into his PDA with a trembling hand. A split second (cliche) later, a surreal greenish fog emanated from it and floated away {from him,} toward the robots.

An extraordinary, shimmering fog befell the two robots as they turned their back to [where] Mada{’s} [was] secreted {position} and headed to their interceptor vehicle. With no admonition, Triton 63 lunged at Triton 34. A clinking of metal on metal followed, and then abruptly halted. Triton 63 had just disconnected his partner’s Unity pathway: TERMINATION - TRITON 34.

The colors of silver and blue sped past, at a velocity exceeding human visual {measure}[comprehension]. [However,] What the human eye could not register, the PDA did. A putrid stench erupted, as flesh peeled away from cybernetic endoskeleton (sorry I‘m lost who is losing flesh?). Mada was no longer alone. Beyond the steel towers and laser torches, Camelot waited.

Thump. THUMP. THUMP. Silence. The PDA flashed binary codes. Mada dropped to the ground, shaking in muscular tremors. Heat seared through his consciousness, but there was no pain. Triton 63 had succeeded.

“Halt!” A mechanical voice. “You have been scanned. Identification please.” Triton 63 carried Mada to his interceptor.

Reaching for his PDA, Mada knew it would aid him. Sweat beaded down his brow, stinging his eyes. He screamed, “I am not from this city,” he swallowed harshly, wind coming back up. “I… you… will see from my Personal Identification Chip.” He staggered and collapsed on the front of the interceptor, where he glimpsed the library of records. Camelot does exist! “Please let me go, I mean you no harm.” He pleaded.

A labyrinth of digits flashed into the night sky{,}[:] reds, blues, greens{,}[and] whites, each representing a unique library of records. Triton 63 froze. “You do not lie. You do not exist.” He frisked Mada inflexibly, cutting him, blood spewing {forth} from his wrist.

Triton 63 {next} instinctively licked the wound clean before Mada {ever} realized what happened. A singe followed, cauterizing {the} flesh. He twirled around, whisked Mada into his interceptor and froze again.

“If you let me go, I will tell no one.” Mada lifted his security blanket, aimed it at Triton 63, tapped the three-digit code, G.O.D. and released. He leaned closer, “I am from another time. This is why your library has no record of me, and I have just rendered YOU disconnected.”

Mada’s faith sustained him. He believed that[,] in spite of the robotic future, there HAD to be some humanity (humanity or humans?) left. He needed to tap into it this very moment, with that very robot - his own savior.

His speech was interrupted. “Triton 63, report to base at once, over.”

Mada leaned fully into Triton 63’s face, where he saw only blackness. “You must help me.” He squatted low and pulled a picture from his boot. Bile started to creep {up his throat and into his mouth} [into his throat and mouth]. He swallowed {it back}. “I need this device. You must get it for me.”

Triton 63 scanned the picture into his database{,}[-] again{,} instinctively. “I have seen this… in the old city of Jerusalem,” the robot hesitated, “What need does this serve, this… thing? Surely, it is not your PIDC?” He tossed the picture into the sky and zapped it to the Nothingness.

(PID C??)

Mada toyed with his throbbing wrist{,} and loosened his grip. I am in control of this world now, he thought. “You will do as I ask{,}[.] do you understand Triton 63?”

“I understand.”

“Radio base and tell them you will be delayed.” Mada snapped into domination. This controller will not last long, he feared.

They reached Camelot, found the Holy Chalice and sat in the Court of the Kings of old for a moment longer{,}[;] human and robot. “I will remember you, Triton 63,” Mada hugged him close. Salty tears streamed down. Triton 63 wiped them away. History was altered, now restored. “Will you remember me?”

Triton 63 replied, “Of course, you are my inverse. My name will be Adam.”

Remember the humans….