Short Story Exercise 5, Come visit here and comment! Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello all!  

I for one am trying to learn HOW to SHOW a scene more than TELL a scene.

Why not help us all out and give an example here of exactly HOW one could do that?

Let's start with a few 'items' to write about and see what responses come to this thread?


There is a door (half-open) leading to ?? (WHERE)??
Choose a character name.

WHAT is this person doing?

Instead of:

She walked slowly to the door, half-opened, with light flickering beyond...

HOW would you describe this scene by SHOW rather than TELL?

Cheers!
~Cleo  

[Guest_Cailean_*]

IMO, Butch/Charon has nailed it. It's overdetailing that robs impact in the "show, don't tell" argument.

I remember an excellent example I always call to mind when I think about such things, in writing and role-play.

Twinned example:

A man, wearing Egyptian clothing and carrying a staff topped with an ankh stepped out and ordered John to halt.

(This is clearly a "telling" phrase. Technically, there's nothing wrong with it, but it has the impact of wet cardboard.)

"Halt!"

(then description)

This works better as a role-play example, but it does relate to what Butch mentioned. The less you say, the more your audience has to come up with themselves. Therefore, going back to that old sales maxim:

Tell me and I'll forget.
Show me and I may remember.
Involve me and I will understand.

I think the best way to analyse such things is to read some of the works mentioned here and take notes of when you are being "told" and identify it within one's own work. I've been doing that a lot lately with some mainstream books I've been reading. The trick, of course, is to see it within your own work, but as you read, you can say ... I've done that, and mebbe I shouldn't.

So, in closing, I think to give people the bare bones that is required, relating to detail, makes a piece more connective to the reader. Sometimes it's a fine line between sharp and completely unintelligible (you can go too far and leave gaping holes in the flow and text) but as you approach less and less detail, you gain impact.

Just my two cents, as it were, as it ended up being an affirmation of Butch/Charon's comments, haha :) I came here intending to write as he did, but I'm seeing some good stuff otherwise here too :)

Cailean.