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greenwich
post Apr 2 17, 17:04
Post #1


Assyrian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy



Revision

Sometimes here, seems far away,
when you're in the lounge,
early morning seems to orchestrate
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change.
Wish this could last,
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rare-field
where there is no movement beyond
these summoned thoughts


Original
Sometimes here, seems far away,
when you're in the lounge,
morning seems to orchestrate
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change.
Wish this could last,
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rare-field amber:
where there is no movement beyond
these thoughts summoned.


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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
 
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Psyche
post Oct 1 17, 02:41
Post #2


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Praetorian
Posts: 10,021
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting



Hi Anthony,
I hadn't seen this poem before. Been away for some time.
Enjoyed it very much. I think poets are allowed to invent neologisms such as rare-field or rarefield. Or turn nouns into verbs, etc.

I see you've had good suggestions, so I have no nits at all. Except perhaps Daniel's questions as to "what rare-field means". But I read your explanation about the 4 a.m. events, so I better get to bed, as it's now 4.30 a.m. LOL.

Best wishes and congrats on your poem.
Syl*** butterfly.gif



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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



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