 Autumn |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Jul 2 17, 15:16
Post
#1
|
|
 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
The wayfarer finds himself in the Autumn room
The din of outside leaves invites the tremble of truth The man's heart sinks, for he has no tidings Many dark paths has he evaded but the silence of this room is like no other ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
|
  
|
|
 |
Replies
|
Jul 25 17, 00:02
Post
#2
|
|
 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 10,021 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Antony,
I see you've had plenty of good suggestions already. I only think that L4 sounds a little old-fashioned. The other point I observe is the use of "din" for outside leaves. I can't imagine leaves making a din. And maybe it's just me, but in L5 you say the room is silent, so it appears contradictory, unless it's in some way metaphorical. I'll return for another read. Enjoyed your poem despite these small nits. Best, Syl***  QUOTE (greenwich @ Jul 2 17, 17:16 )  The wayfarer finds himself in the Autumn room The din of outside leaves invites the tremble of truth The man's heart sinks, for he has no tidings Many dark paths has he evaded but the silence of this room is like no other ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
|
|
|
Posts in this topic
greenwich Autumn Jul 2 17, 15:16 
JustDaniel Greetings, Anthony!
Here I am again on the fr... Jul 2 17, 16:28 Eisa Hi Antony,
It's good to see you back posting.... Jul 3 17, 16:48 greenwich Thank you Eira for your help. Yes there are too ma... Jul 4 17, 10:54 JustDaniel Does that mean I'm excess fat to be cut off an... Jul 4 17, 11:11 
Ali zonak QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Jul 4 17, 11:11 ) Doe... Jul 4 17, 12:34 greenwich Hi Just Daniel. I additionally followed your advic... Jul 4 17, 12:15 JustDaniel Thank you very much, Anthony. I'm glad that I... Jul 4 17, 12:27 greenwich Thank you for the comments All gratefully received... Jul 29 17, 14:03 RC James This is haunting and evocative of the season. Enjo... Sep 26 17, 19:03 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
 |
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 7th July 2025 - 13:35 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
