Flashbacks *** Options

[Eisa]

I've just found this in the archives and would like to do some revision.

Flashbacks

I saw your father last night

Two years have rolled by
since the phone tolled
delivering its terminal message.

This earthquake shook me
waves radiating
from my epicentre.

In a tremor of aftershock
I whispered to her
of his slipping away.

sorry to hear that
- she was distanced
from the devastation.

Aw… he looked so handsome

He wore a flat cap in winter
to warm his shiny pate,

Now, it rests at the back
of my reminiscence drawer
with her butterfly brooch
and snapshots of their life.

I scrutinize their wedding photo,
all eyes smiling, lips saying Cheese.
His dark waves were intact
… yes, he was handsome.

I think he might take me back

When their marriage fractured
a tug of war stretched me
until I split into pieces.
Although middle-aged, I was a child.

He embraced a new wife for twelve years,
Even if his life had extended,
he could not … would not
return to her yearning arms.

He gave me a beautiful brooch

Her smile was wide -
unaware the broken butterfly would
not settle on her breast again.

[RC James]

Eira - You had asked for some ideas on revision. Here's my take:

Flashbacks

I saw your father
last night,
two years
since the phone
delivered the terminal
message.

This earthquake
shook my epicenter
and radiated out.
In the aftershock,
I whispered his slipping
away to her,
she was at some distance
from the devastation.

Aw…he looked
so handsome.
In winter
he wore a flat cap
to warm his shiny pate.
Now it’s at the back
of my
reminiscence drawer,
with her butterfly
brooch and their photos.

Their wedding photo
is all eyes, smiling,
his dark waves intact,
so handsome he was.

I think he might
take me back.

When their marriage
Fracture’d,
a tug of war
stretched me
until I Split
into pieces.
Although
middle-aged,
I was a child.

He harbored a new wife
for twelve years.
Even given more years,
he could not…
would not
return home
to her yearning arms.

He gave me
a beautiful
brooch.

Her smile
was wide –
unaware the
broken
butterfly
would never again
settle on her breast.