Maneuvers (Revision2) Options

[RC James]

In the front yard of the small hacienda
three couples swing to the Sonidero,
their rhythmic evening cure.

At the mezcal table, downed bottles
in disarray, literary vaqueros revive,
with elan, their grandfathers’ stanzas.

A wispy woman, downplaying arrogance,
stuns the gathering’s hum-drum thought,
moves to the dancers, all intent on conquest;
her stride holds dark rhythms, rebellion.

In the last blush of light, as if expected,
Zapata appears with spurs jangling,
white horse at the gate.

He bows.

The elusive lady dances to history,
in homage to what might have been.

Revolution possesses the general;
inexhaustible, he senses victory.






(orig.)
In the front yard
three couples swing to the cure
of the Sonidero.
At the mezcal table
literary vaqueros testify
to their grandfathers' truths.

A wispy-thin woman
stuns hum-drum thought
as she approaches the dancers,
seduced by dark rhythms,
her movements deft rebellion.

In the last blush of light
Zapata's fantasma appears,
spurs jangling,
white horse at the gate.
He bows, she dances for history
as we wish we'd known it.

[Psyche]

Hi James,
I seem to have missed this one. Sorry!

Just a few comments, to TorT, as usual.

As a Spanish speaking person, I find some of the "mix" is jarring. You've even used a French expression: elan.

L1. Maybe in Colombia hacienda is the main building. In Argentina hacienda is all of the land owned, including the home. I think that "patio" would be more appropriate if you mean the home, which would be colonial style with a long front gallery. I love them, by the way.

The patio would have a deep well, also colonial style.

S3. I don't relate a wispy woman to "stride" in the last line. Striding would be more apt for a robust or at least a tall, slender woman. IMO. But that last line is very good, I like it.

Interesting piece, highly original. I just have that problem with the different languages that obstruct the flow. I would love to see your Spanish version, I'm sure you have one, right?

Best,
Syl