 THE WAITING GAME [revised], Free Verse |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Apr 12 13, 08:10
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 Egyptian  Posts: 399 Joined: 11-April 13 From: Australia - The great Southern Land Member No.: 5,178 Real Name: Maureen Clifford Writer of: Poetry Referred By:arnfinn  |
Revised Version
THE WAITING GAME Evening shadows crept into the courtyard. Lit by the silvery glow of moonbeams, Cerulean blue, jade green and gold colours like a stained glass window gleamed from her peacock feather fan. She waited patiently – there was no rush. Wind chimes broken reeds tinkled in the evening breeze as calmly, she daintily drank jasmine tea from a delicate porcelain cup. She heard his footsteps on the terrazzo. The moons silver fingers caressed the moon gate, hovered over the fallen arch and rested lingeringly on her lover's face. Ancient walls silently watched and waited as did she. Maureen Clifford © the Scribbly Bark Poet. THE WAITING GAME Evening shadows crept silently into the courtyard. Lit by the silvery glow of moonbeams, her elegant fan of peacock feathers gleamed like a stained glass window. Cerulean blue, jade green and gold. She waited patiently – there was no rush. The broken reeds of the wind chimes tinkled in the evening breeze. Calmly she daintily drank jasmine tea from a delicate porcelain cup. She heard his footsteps on the terrazzo. Shadows cast by the moonlight drifted over the fallen arch of the moon gate and her lover's face. The ancient walls were used to waiting, and so was she. Maureen Clifford © ·······  ······· |
  
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May 4 13, 14:49
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (Maureen @ Apr 12 13, 14:10 )  Revised Version Hi Maureen, I thought I'd commented on this one but have come back to find I haven't. I love the images here -gorgeous and sensuous. I like your revision and don't think there is anything much to suggest. THE WAITING GAME Evening shadows crept into the courtyard. Lit by the silvery glow of moonbeams, Cerulean blue, jade green and gold colours like a stained glass window gleamed from her peacock feather fan. Such a beautiful 1st stanza She waited patiently – there was no rush. Wind chimes broken reeds I think this might sound better the other way round. Broken reed wind chimes tinkled in the evening breeze as calmly, she daintily drank jasmine tea from a delicate porcelain cup. She heard his footsteps on the terrazzo. The moons silver fingers caressed the moon gate, hovered over the fallen arch and rested lingeringly on her lover's face. Ancient walls silently watched and waited as did she. Well what can I say - beautiful from beginning to end. I really enjoyed reading this. Snow  Maureen Clifford © the Scribbly Bark Poet. Maureen Clifford © ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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Posts in this topic
Maureen THE WAITING GAME [revised] Apr 12 13, 08:10 
JustDaniel Greetings, Maureen!
Though this is officially... Apr 12 13, 10:03 Maureen Thanks Daniel for the pick up - I have amended it ... Apr 14 13, 01:39 Cleo_Serapis Hi Maureen,
I enjoyed the intrigue in this poem.... Apr 16 13, 20:31 Maureen Thank you Cleo for your help - I have amended it t... Apr 16 13, 22:55 Anisha Hi, I'm kind of a newbie to poetry writing in ... Apr 18 13, 02:44 Maureen Thanks Anisha for taking the time to read and comm... Apr 27 13, 00:12 Arnfinn G'day Maureen
This beautiful poem reads very ... Apr 27 13, 06:47 Maureen Gee you know how to make a girl blush John you a... Apr 30 13, 23:46 
Maureen WOW - I am overwhelmed by the likes Thank you kin... May 4 13, 22:13 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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