Just Looking** with 2nd tweak, Sonnet Options

[Larry]

Just Looking

In quiet reverie while on the beach
I watched the vestiges of day subside
through gentle swells infused with mauve and peach
as though Monet’s pastels had been applied

before that sequined shroud’s perceived embrace
obscured those gifts by dissipating hues.
Dark waves, erased of any twilight trace,
reflected stars in iridescent blues

until they bowed obeisantly in death
upon the sand. Alone, I contemplate
the wonders to be seen as ocean’s breath
guides mirrored queues to quotidian fate.

No answers or epiphanies are mete
as tide leaves bits of stardust near my feet.


S1/L4 did read:
It seemed that evening’s last sunbeams had cried

S2/L3 did read:
Dark waves, now robbed of any twilight’s trace,

S3/L1 did read:
until they bowed in obeisant death



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Just Looking

In quiet reverie while on the beach
I watched the vestiges of day subside
through gentle swells; painting them mauve and peach.
It seemed that evening’s last sunbeams had cried

before that sequined shroud’s coming embrace
obscured those gifts by dissipating hues.
Dark waves, now robbed of any twilight’s trace,
reflected stars in iridescent blues

until they bowed in obeisant death
upon the sand. Alone, I contemplate
the wonders to be seen as ocean’s breath
guides mirrored queues to quotidian fate.

No answers or epiphanies were mete
as tide left bits of stardust near my feet.






Note: quotidian, for those needing to look it up, means a common day to day occurrence.

[AMETHYST]

Hi Larry ... Yippee ...

Your poetry is truly something I have missed while away. This brought me back to days in my teenage years when I took such notice of gloriful colors, sounds and images that mesmerized me. I thought your title was most fitting. "Just Looking" gave me a sense of youth, and awareness - taking in all that is given.

I especially liked your change to 'infused' ...

The word 'vestiges' is a remarkable find for me. I must admit, I was drawn to the sound, and had to look it up. Upon learning its meaning, I was astonished that such an awesome word has slipped by me all these years. I will be borrowing that for a poem down the road ... and thank you so much for sharing it.

I've always thought that is where a proper turn should come. The ending couplet is your punch. Your ending couplet ties your opening stanzas together, turns to reveal that unexpected view and then kicks with a wonderful couplet that completes the journey as a whole. This is done quite well.



Hugs, Liz

Just Looking

In quiet reverie while on the beach
I watched the vestiges of day subside
through gentle swells infused with mauve and peach.
It seemed that evening’s last sunbeams had cried

before that sequined shroud’s perceived embrace
obscured those gifts by dissipating hues.
Dark waves, now robbed of any twilight’s trace,
reflected stars in iridescent blues

until they bowed in obeisant death
upon the sand. Alone, I contemplate
the wonders to be seen as ocean’s breath
guides mirrored queues to quotidian fate.

No answers or epiphanies are mete
as tide leaves bits of stardust near my feet.

I so enjoyed this!!! Best Wishes, Liz