The Touch "small tweaks", A Sonnet Options

[Larry]

The Touch

Their soundless screams reverberate with grief
that pierces hearts for all the centuries
of fading life. While scions, stem and leaf,
lie crushed beneath their ancient weight. No breeze

shall herald new beginnings in the spring
or sculpt the emerald crowns upon each head.
Strong bastions from the storms that summer brings
are laid in waste. Small denizens have fled

their home and larder, solace now denied
by death. No songs will greet the morn’ to surge
in airy heights, where once the swallow plied.
A mournful sound, as though a quiet dirge

now permeates this devastated glade
created from the touch of soulless blade.


L10 did begin with "to all".

L9 did read: by death. No songs to greet the morn’ converge

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

What a powerful message. One would *hope* that we don't trample every living thing in the world in our lifetimes or in the next several generations, but it IS scary to see it happening.

This is the one part of your poem that I think could be a bit stronger:
Strong bastions from the storms that summer brings
are laid in waste. Small denizens have fled

their home and larder, solace now denied
to all. The first sentence is so powerful, followed by the image of your denizens fleeing (great word choices) their home. I just think there may be a better end to that image aside from 'to all'.

Food for thought but so potent and lovely as is.
~Cleo