 Good Time Girl, Love and humor |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
| Guest_ohsteve_* |
  Nov 3 10, 19:08
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#1
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Good Time Girl
Brush of the wind steals your name from my lips. Where it was but a whisper in a dream, a kiss, lighter than butterfly footsteps. Your voice was the murmur of a rain drop from a leaf, that rose to a waterfalls thunderous roar. It's song a susurration of love, at first I was afraid that you would not hear, thought of disappointment, when your hand on my shoulder touched me and you said "Hey sailor, looking for a good time?" 3 Nov 2010 © Steve Pray |
  
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Nov 4 10, 01:56
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#2
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 Assyrian  Posts: 262 Joined: 4-February 09 Member No.: 756 Real Name: Robin DeWalt Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Winning Writer's web site |
Hi Steve,
I like your humor but to tell you the truth, I fell in love with the first two stanzas and felt this could have been a wonderful love poem without the third. Just a thought in case you might want to change the ending. ·······  ······· |
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Nov 4 10, 14:35
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#3
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (merle @ Nov 4 10, 06:56 )  Hi Steve, I like your humor but to tell you the truth, I fell in love with the first two stanzas and felt this could have been a wonderful love poem without the third. Just a thought in case you might want to change the ending. I think I agree with Robin. The first 2 stanzas are very poetic - very beautiful, Steve ... but I like the first 2 lines of the last stanza too. Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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Posts in this topic
ohsteve Good Time Girl Nov 3 10, 19:08 
ohsteve okvotes are 2 to 0 i will change the last stanza..... Nov 6 10, 02:13 
Psyche QUOTE (ohsteve @ Nov 4 10, 02:08 ) Good T... Nov 11 10, 23:55 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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