 Watercolor Dream |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
 Nov 4 10, 01:53
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 Assyrian  Posts: 262 Joined: 4-February 09 Member No.: 756 Real Name: Robin DeWalt Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Winning Writer's web site  |
Watercolor Dream
A stick-figure family painted in bold primary colors is propped upon a child’s easel. Under the sanctuary of an oversized sun children run happily through green meadows with lopsided red flowers. While parents hold their quarrels Behind inflexible smiles; never allowing tears to ruin their masterpiece. ·······  ······· |
  
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Nov 4 10, 14:27
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Robin
I like the underlying message in this one. A simple poem with a lot going on under the surface. Thi is well written, but I did stumble a bit at the end - suggestions below: Watercolor Dream A stick-figure family painted in bold primary colors is propped upon a child’s easel. Under the sanctuary of an oversized sun children run happily through green meadows with lopsided red flowers. While parents hold their quarrels Behind inflexible smiles; never allowing tears to ruin their masterpiece. My personal preference for the last line would be to miss out 'while' take the cap off 'behind' and change the semicolon to a comma. Take or toss! Parents hold their quarrels behind inflexible smiles, never allowing tears to ruin their masterpiece. Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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Posts in this topic
merle Watercolor Dream Nov 4 10, 01:53 
merle Hi Snow -
Thanks for stopping by. I usually just... Nov 4 10, 14:38 
Eisa QUOTE (merle @ Nov 4 10, 19:38 ) Hi Snow ... Nov 4 10, 14:42 sandiegopoet Watercolor Dream
A stick-figure family painted in... Nov 6 10, 11:26 Psyche Hi Robin,
Yes, this poem has an undercurrent of p... Nov 11 10, 23:47 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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