Kiss and Make-up, Feel good? Options

[Peterpan]

First Edit

Kiss and Make-up

I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs
of her former self. Hunchbacked, in grey,
she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed:
at least a decade older. Her face and frame
wrinkled on an ironing board.

Facial massage, nourishing cream
and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new
wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured
and shaped her exhausted hair.

Emerging from the set,
her family failed to recognize her.


Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010







Kiss and Make-up (new title)

I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs of her former self.
Hunchbacked, in grey, she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed: at least a decade older.
Her face and frame wrinkled on an ironing board.

Facial massage, nourishing cream and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured and shaped her exhausted hair.

Emerging from the set, her family failed to recognize her.


Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010

[Eisa]

Hi Bev

I really loved this one - it's so good to read your work again.

My favourite:
Her face and frame wrinkled on an ironing board.

This is well written and the only suggestion I have is perhaps to alter the line breaks/even out the lines.
Just a thought - take or toss.

Snow

Kiss and Make-up (new title)

I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs
of her former self. Hunchbacked, in grey,
she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed:
at least a decade older. Her face and frame
wrinkled on an ironing board.

Facial massage, nourishing cream
and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new
wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured
and shaped her exhausted hair.

Emerging from the set,
her family failed to recognize her.


Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010
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